Woo!!!

I'm going to be in Chicago visiting DePaul and won't be home until sometime late Saturday night, so I won't be posting for the next few days! I'll have some stories and perhaps pictures from the trip when I get back, though! Ahhhhh I'm excited!!!!!

I had a really long treadmill session so I'm totally beat now! I'm going to try to work out some more after dinner tonight.

There's nothing quite like having the day off! I'm definitely going to be working out today, as well as getting ahead on homework and working on my mom's list of chores for me. I'm going to get my hair trimmed later, as well! I'm not sure what else I'm going to do today as of yet

Good Morning!!!!!

Goodnight for now!!!!

Thank goodness for school off tomorrow!

"Power" by Audre Lorde

The difference between poetry and rhetoric

is being ready to kill

yourself

instead of your children.

I am trapped on a desert of raw gunshot wounds

and a dead child dragging his shattered black

face off the edge of my sleep

blood from his punctured cheeks and shoulders

is the only liquid for miles

and my stomach

churns at the imagined taste while

my mouth splits into dry lips

without loyalty or reason

thirsting for the wetness of his blood

as it sinks into the whiteness

of the desert where I am lost

without imagery or magic

trying to make power out of hatred and destruction

trying to heal my dying son with kisses

only the sun will bleach his bones quicker.

A policeman who shot down a ten year old in Queens

stood over the boy with his cop shoes in childish blood

and a voice said “Die you little motherfucker” and

there are tapes to prove it. At his trial

this policeman said in his own defense

“I didn't notice the size nor nothing else

only the color”. And

there are tapes to prove that, too.

Today that 37 year old white man

with 13 years of police forcing

was set free

by eleven white men who said they were satisfied

justice had been done

and one Black Woman who said

“They convinced me” meaning

they had dragged her 4'10'' black Woman's frame

over the hot coals

of four centuries of white male approval

until she let go

the first real power she ever had

and lined her own womb with cement

to make a graveyard for our children.

I have not been able to touch the destruction

within me.

But unless I learn to use

the difference between poetry and rhetoric

my power too will run corrupt as poisonous mold

or lie limp and useless as an unconnected wire

and one day I will take my teenaged plug

and connect it to the nearest socket

raping an 85 year old white woman

who is somebody's mother

and as I beat her senseless and set a torch to her bed

a greek chorus will be singing in 3/4 time

“Poor thing. She never hurt a soul. What beasts they are.”

"Cinderella" by Sylvia Plath

The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,

Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan

Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels

Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall

Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;

Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall

Reflecting in a million flagons’ shine.

And glided couples all in a whirling trance

Follow holiday revel begun long since,

Until near twelve the strange girl all at once

Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk

She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

Poetry Project

I just worked on a part of my Poetry Exit Analysis Essay and I'm kinda jazzed about it! Well, about the poetry and the poets, NOT the workload. My topic is "Women," and while I'm not sure exactly what my teacher is hoping to see from this project, I love the work of the poets whom I selected: Sylvia Plath, Audre Lorde, and Dorothy Parker. So I'm going to do what I can to make sure I get everything together and presented well. 

I think the direction I want to go into is exploring each poets' definition of what it means to be "woman" and reflections on womanhood. It's not like I can just make some simple thesis like I could have with some of the other topics like Nature, War, and Politics. Basically, I want to make sure that my work is of a high caliber so that I can impress myself most of all with my achievements! 

I may periodically post my favorite poems from the evening on here, so be ready for some poetry!

On the bright side, I'm currently making bank on InboxDollars.com! If you haven't seen my banner or are interested in signing up yourself, HERE is the link to get signed up. It's honestly very easy to use, and is definitely helping me make some money outside of work and school, which I definitely need.

Ugggggggggggh (AGAIN)

This afternoon was pretty rough. I had to go to a meeting about States for theater and I essentially got screwed left and right. First, I was shafted in terms of rooming since my "friends" banded up and didn't let me room with them, so I'm stuck rooming with three girls that I barely know/am not close to at all. Like two of the girls are very nice and I don't mind being stuck with them, but the third girl is very annoying. I just feel kinda alone and excluded in that situation. The second way I was screwed in this meeting was by people not offering to help/making excuses for why they can't help me with my video production video even though we have school off tomorrow... I'm really really screwed for that video and I don't really know what to do there. If I can't get actors, I'm screwed screwed screwed and am going to be stuck with another awful, embarrassing to watch video that I essentially worked on by myself. The whole situation is very frustrating and I just want to give up everything. 

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh

I hardly have anything to do but I'm so so sooooooooo tired and I just want to take a nap more than anything. Literally from the moment I woke up I felt like I've been dying and I just want to crawl back in bed....

Last Night

My sister needed to use my laptop last night for studying, so I didn't really get to blog much last night. I did keep myself fairly busy though!

I mean, an hour and a half long nap isn't necessarily productive, but I could have done worse! After dinner, I watched an episode of Gangland while walking on the treadmill, and got about twenty minutes into the award-winning documentary The Act of Killing when my mom kicked me off so she could work out. Overall, it was a super productive workout!

After that, I helped my sister study for her Spanish test then went to bed.

3/2/15

Today was a solid day! Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, but on the bright side I:

1. Didn't completely bomb my AP Stats test like I had expected to! I actually thought it was incredibly easy, so that was really really wonderful.
2. I don't have any homework to do tonight, so I can work out and stuff! (Which is amazing because I was a horrible eater today....)

I'm a little bit concerned about Video Production, though. My group (as in one other girl and I) has really limited resources and manpower. And half the time she isn't there and she's the one with the camera! Our schedules are both very different, so typically she has to do all the filming. However, she always does it with the wrong angle or doesn't follow the storyboards so we don't get the footage we need. Like our last project was one of the worst grades I've ever gotten in that class because there was hardly any footage involved with it because she didn't film half the things we outlined in our storyboard. My grade in that class is starting to suffer because of it, and it annoys me a lot.

I end up doing all the work editing, writing the scripts, doing the storyboards, and so on which is also annoying since I'm putting in all this effort for a meh product. Like I really love this girl as a person, but as a creative partner, not at all. Now, I'm going to have to find an entire cast for our next video because there's no way that we can pull off a fantasy-noir film with just the two of us. And what's worse is we don't have any time to film outside of school this week and it's obnoxious....

Goodnight!!!!

Pet Peeve: Elitist Attitudes

Okay, so there aren't many things that make my skin crawl, but I absolutely despise when people walk around believing themselves to be better than everybody else in the room because they're taking an advanced course/received a scholarship/got some fancy award or title/are doing something cool in their spare time. I don't have any problem with people doing those things and getting those achievements and opportunities, however when people nonchalantly brag about it or look down on those who don't meet the same/similar standards that they have managed to set for themselves. 

I see this constantly on the DePaul Facebook page. As excited as I am to meet many of these people and to establish new ties and create lasting friendships, I HATE seeing people bragging about getting a scholarship or an interview or doing the honors program or whatever. I'm envious, obviously, but the fact that they flaunt their successes in the face of hundred's of others' failures disgusts me. Like I just read through a comment thread on a post asking "who all is doing the Honors Program next year LOL?" and uggggggggggggggggggggh people!!!!!

Sample comments included people comparing ACT/SAT test scores, passive-aggressive comments insulting the book choices of their fellow students while presenting him or herself as the paragon of literary taste, commenting on housing and their desire to "stay away from all the rowdiness outside of the Honors floor," etc. 

Like come ON, you shouldn't have to compare your test scores like dick sizes to try to see who's the biggest. 

My dad was incredibly set on me joining the Honors Program at DePaul, but this would in no way be the best choice for me because:

1. None of the classes in the Honors curriculum pertain to my career goals or involved skills that I've already learned/have mastery of.
2. If I did the Honors college, I would not be able to use the credits I've earned from my AP exams to get me out of my GenEd courses, which would slow down my career path.
3. There's no way I'd want to sit in a room with those people and attempt to hold a discussion, since they're so obviously full of themselves.

Thankfully, my mother was the voice of reason in this issue and was able to get my dad to lay off.

Another hazardous thing of this sort of attitude is a heightened ability to not emphasize with others. When you think you're better than everybody else, what's the point in even bothering to help other people when they need it? 

It's hard to put the feeling into words, but overall it annoys/angers me a lot.

My nostrils are going insaaaaaane I hate my allergies!!!!!

Ugggggggggggh my allergies are destroying me....

Oh dear...

So I definitely have an AP Stats quiz tomorrow, and I am not at all ready for it... Literally I am so so sooooo screwed. I don't understand what we're doing at all and that makes me incredibly nervous. I was just starting to do pretty well in that class, too! I just don't know what I'm doing anymore... I think I'll go in early tomorrow morning to try to go over some of the things that perplex me in this chapter, and hopefully that'll help out some. I really don't want my grades to drop again.

Last Night/Today

I've been gone for over 24 hours, oh my goodness! I've been plenty busy though, and overall it's been a ton of fun!

Last night was every bit as fun as I imagined! Dylan and I went and got Italian food for dinner, and overall the meal was fantastic! I had this pasta dish with fettuccine pasta, chicken, spinach, and light Alfredo sauce, and Dylan got this fantastic tilapia dish with roasted vegetables! After that, we drove over to school for the dance.

There weren't nearly as many people at Winter Formal as there typically are at Homecoming, but there were still many more people than usual there. Y'all remember how worried I was about the whole "homecoming queen and my ex-boyfriend going together" thing? Weeeeelll it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought! Not to sound too braggy, but she has nothing on me. She was pretty, but not quite as pretty as me. She was very nice, but she didn't have nearly as much of a personality as I did. She hardly danced, she barely looked at my ex, and overall seemed kinda "stiff" for lack of a better word. I wish them the best, but now it doesn't seem like NEARLY as much of an upgrade as I thought it was.

Overall, I had a fabulous time with my friends and it was pretty wonderful! We had cotton candy and took some fantastic photo booth pictures and danced like crazy even though we can't dance for shit. It's all about having fun though, so what does it matter how adept a dancer anyone is?

After the dance, I went with Dylan and Abby to Steak & Shake. I had my usual Royale steakburger and tried a new milkshake that has quickly become my new favorite- Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Our other "fam" member Tony came in by coincidence and ate with us as well! Tony is hardly ever able to hang out with all of us at once, so it was really wonderful to have the whole gang together. 

After Steak & Shake, I dropped Dylan off and drove to Abby's house to spend the night. I watched Clueless with her and her older sister before we all went to bed. Her mom was somewhere else for the night, and I had no idea! Abby has a ton of adorable animals at her house, which while enjoyable, made my allergies miserable and kinda messed up my sleep schedule. Her two cats insisted upon sleeping with me, and I was frequently woken up by the kitties! At one point, I woke up and one was on my face and the other was on my chest! Ever since, I've been sniffling and sneezing up a storm.

In the morning, Abby made pancakes which were DELICIOUS and she, her sister, and I worked on shoveling their driveway/brushing off the snow on my car so that we could make a run to Target to pick up hair dye. When we returned from Target, we dyed Abby's hair dark brown (kinda like mine) in their kitchen. Then, Abby's mom and her boyfriend brought home Panera for us for brunch, and I had a fantastic Asiago Cheese bagel! After that, I drove home.

I've basically been doing homework/chores since I got home, it's been pretty relaxed. Overall, this weekend has been fantastic and I would relive it again and again if I could!

GAHHHH TIME

It just hit me that tomorrow is March 1st AHHHHHHHHHHHH TIME IS FLYING INCREDIBLY QUICKLY AND I HARDLY HAVE A HANDLE ON IT LET ALONE ON MYSELF AHHHHHHHHHHHHH GROWING UP IS SCARY LIKE I GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL IN MAY LIKE OH MY GOODNESS THEN I'M GOING TO BE IN COLLEGE LIKE WHAT IS THIS OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've spent the last several  hours getting ready and I'm completely okay with that! I can't complain, I love getting prettied up and whatnot.

Winter Formal Today

Tonight is Winter Formal and I'm pretty excited! Dylan and I are getting dinner at this Italian restaurant in Akron, and then after the dance, Dylan, Abby, and I are going to Steak and Shake for glorious munchies food. Then, I'm sleeping over at Abby's house, so I'm definitely looking forward to tonight! I think I might be more excited for everything after the dance than the actual dance itself, but that's okay!

Goodnight!!!!

Oops I just watched two documentaries and four episodes of 30 Rock and it's already "tomorrow" oops!!!!

Thankfully, my package of LUSH bath bombs came in the mail today, so you can bet your ass that I took a luxurious bubble bath after my lengthy nap! It was pretty wonderful!

*sigh* I want to change myself a lot...

Depending on how long you've read my blog, you know that I have all sorts of plans to change my body and improve it drastically. While I struggle with that aspect of myself, there are a lot of other things I want to change/improve about myself. One of which, is becoming more financially independent and splurging less.

I'm a terrible impulse buyer, and since I'm hardly working anymore, this is a very dangerous habit for me to have and one I desperately need to break before I get into college. I'm not too sure how to do that other than to abstain from things I don't normally use/need. Like the whole camera thing from earlier in the week! I don't necessarily need a camera right now as my Video Production teacher got rigs for the iPads with lenses to improve image quality and microphones to help with sound. Because of this, I don't really need a camera until at least next year. I'm now planning on waiting until the Christmas of my sophomore year in college to ask for a nice, DSLR camera from all of my family members pooling together money. I'd prefer it to clothes, as I prefer to pick those sorts of things out myself.

Then, there's the whole job thing... I'm pretty nervous about that. I want to get a part time job doing something with retail while I'm at DePaul, whether this involves working on campus at the bookstore or working in the many shops and boutiques in the surrounding area. For instance, there's a Famous Footwear just a short walk/10-minute bus ride from the Lincoln Park campus! Then there are also other stores nearby that I enjoy or could see myself working at. All I want is a steady paycheck so that I can build up my savings account at home for and have an incredibly solid checking account overall. Like my sister, who's a year younger than me, has had her job steadily since the summer (unlike the on-off stuff that I've been putting up with) and even though she gets pretty small paychecks, she has saved up to the point where there are over $800 in her checking account and even more on the side from allowance and tips! The only steady income I have is a $20 allowance that doesn't even come every week...