Ok, I've done some homework! I did my Economics and wrote interview questions for Newspaper, which is an ehh start. I still have to finish Beowulf and write a thesis statement and study dates for English, then I have a ton of Stats homework, and a worksheet for Honors Government. It's still gross.

Labor Day

I had to work today, and currently I'm procrastinating from both cleaning my room AND doing my mountain of homework. What fun!!!!!

Last night Andy stopped by to visit me and it was the best part of my week. We watched The Spoils of Babylon, which basically makes fun of the soap opera Dallas, and it was extremely funny.

Adventures in Babysitting: 8-29-14

Megan and I babysat for the guests at my mother's friend's daughter's wedding. I had done it before; there was only one little girl there and she fell asleep withing 5 minutes. It was easy money, and that was how I expected it to be the other night. Oh my goodness were we wrong.

We were told ahead of time that the mothers of the kids would head back to the hotel with them to get them in their pajamas and put them to bed. This did not happen. We were also not given any estimate of how many kids there would be. THERE WERE 10 CHILDREN. TEN HYPER UNCONTROLLABLE CHILDREN. Eight of them were relatively docile, but there were two girls who were little jerks. One was 11 and was absolutely determined to stir the pot in any way. She tried to swim in the hotel's fountain, she repeatedly tried to sneak out, and she kept trying to steal money from my wallet, just to name a few things. The other girl was 3, and it was obvious that her parents have never said no to her ever. All she did was scream and beg for sugary things. It was hell.

And you know how much we were paid for this arduous task? $50. That's $10 per child, split between my sister and I. Nowhere close to enough for the ordeal we went through that night.

All I've done today is homework, blargh.

Meh Morning

So far this morning I've had this really weird, "meh" feeling. I don't know how to describe it other than by saying "meh." I just wish I didn't have to go back to school or that I was off at college instead. Not that college would be any easier than high school, but I just don't want to deal with any people. I don't dislike the people I go to school with, I just think that nobody there really gives a shit about me and that hurts a lot. Like when we had the little donut/thumb-wrestling assembly on the first day of school- everybody was with their own little friend groups talking about their summers and comparing schedules, and I was all alone. I tried talking to other people, but it didn't really work because I just felt so out of place. I know that in college, I can find some lasting friends easily enough. I still have my friends from New York, but since I'm completely alone at school and at home, I just feel hopelessly lonely.

YAY ANDY'S COMING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

8/29/14

Today was a really really awful day for pretty much everyone I know. I had more tension headaches, some classmate's grandpa died, and more. My neighbor got a speeding ticket when she was driving me home from school, and the poor thing was so so so upset and couldn't stop crying the whole way home. Then in newspaper, things were really rough for me. Lately I've been feeling more and more like a doormat to my co-editor. Don't get me wrong, she's an incredibly gifted designer and she's incredibly responsible and organized, and I respect her so so much, but I feel left out of major moments and I look like an idiot in the process. Even if other's don't see me that way, I can't help but feel like an idiot when the staff asks me questions that I have no clue how to answer, like what''s for homework. And today we had all of our story ideas due, and me, our adviser, and the girl were supposed to all look through them to get an idea of what's going on before people start turning in their rough drafts, or so I thought.

Instead, the adviser looked through all the ideas and gave everybody their rightful grades, then the girl took them all and planned out the entire issue. Basically, she decided every single thing that was going to be published in the issue.

If I wasn't sharing this position with her, I wouldn't have been as upset as I was, but it really hurt my feelings and made me feel forgotten, ignored, and powerless. I wanted to say something right then and there, but I couldn't and if I did I would've regretted it, because 1). I suck at confronting people who are "equals" who intimidate me, 2). I didn't want to ruin our dynamic as a leadership team for the rest of the year, 3). I knew if I tried to say anything I'd start to cry in front of everyone, and if I did I'd make an ass of myself, 4). publicly berating her wouldn't solve anything and I need to learn how to work with people like her for the rest of my life, and 5). I needed to calm down before I did anything stupid and could talk it through with our adviser before doing anything.

After school ended, I went and talked with my adviser in her classroom. She was very kind and understanding and put up with my impossible to contain crying, and she gave me some great advice:

"There are two types of leaders, chess leaders and checker leaders. You're a chess leader; you see every person as a vital piece and use their strengths to push you towards a victory. She is a checker leader. Each piece looks the same, and each is one of many means to an end. That's not necessarily bad, but if you ignore the big picture and make each individual feel like the team's victory is one of his or her personal victories, you become a tyrant."

What she taught me about myself is that I work hard to make sure everyone feels included in every victory and that I play to other's strengths to make that happen. I boost morale and serve as a guiding light for others. I don't see other's as means to a personal victory: it's a team effort.

Nonetheless, I'm nervous.

It's 12:15 and I still haven't started Beowulf

Great.

While studying my AP English notes, I noticed that there was a whole lot of stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with English, but I don't really mind.

I really miss Andy right now. Just bleh. It hasn't even been a week and I really feel bleh about it all. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh.

Third Day of Senior Year

Today was a really uneventful day. School was okay, nothing bad happened but nothing fantastic did either. I'm feeling pretty good about AP Bio and AP Stats; a lot of the stuff we learn in both as far as the math goes go hand in hand. I really enjoy Economics and Honors Gov, neither of which I was expecting to enjoy. The teachers just have this magic way of making me feel enlightened, and I adore that. AP English is the same way, just a lot more nerve-wracking!

One of my coworkers got into a really bad 4-wheeler ATV accident today so I now am covering his Friday shift. I don't mind though, it'll give me another opportunity to bring up my numbers and I get to collect my second-to-last paycheck as an LTE so yay!

Goodnight!

I finished my homework surprisingly fast, so goodnight!

I made it home from work, and needless to say I'm beat. I still have homework, which is just fan-freaking-tastic!

Oops I didn't explain the Newspaper Mystery!

So what happened was this: last night I was checking twitter and saw a tweet from the school paper regarding the classwork. I screenshot it and sent it to Natalie and my co-editor Sarah and we were all steaming. Sarah is the only person with access to the twitter, but she didn't send the tweet. We figured it had to have been a member of the returning staff, since all of the passwords for accessing newspaper-things are the same. Anyways, we confronted the staff today and nobody knew a thing.

Senior Year Day 2

Today was slightly worse than yesterday. I was just incredibly tired through it all and that didn't help me one bit. I missed my lunch because I had to reformat my summer reading essays and my essays from the night before, which sucked big time. At least I know better now! Everything is a lot of work and I'm just not in my best shape for doing it.

As for the mystery of the hacker, nobody even knew that the newspaper had a twitter account and they were every bit as annoyed as us, so the mystery still remains unsolved.

I have work tonight from 5-close. I don't have much work to do, but I just hate to be working until 10 or later when I've been awake since 5:30 and busting my ass. Because of work, this is probably going to be my only post for the day.

One essay down, one to go!!!!

First Day of Senior Year

First thing's first, it wasn't nearly as awful as I expected! Stats was easy, the 2 English essays are hardly "essays," just "getting to know you" type things; Economics seems interesting, Morality class is blehhhh, Honors Government seems like a blast, Newspaper is still ehhh, and AP Bio is going to be very very fun!

They started the day off with a surprise pep rally complete with donuts, a juggler, and breaking a world record! That's right, we broke the world record for most people simultaneously thumb wrestling!

AND ON THAT NOTE, GOODNIGHT

Dun dun DUNNNNN

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW AND I'M SUPER SCARED LIKE I AM NOT READY FOR ANYTHING THIS SEMESTER FROM SCHOOLWORK TO EXTRACURRICULARS TO THE VISOR TO THEATER TO MY JOB TO COLLEGE APPLICATIONS I AM NOT MENTALLY PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T

On the bright side, my mom is making Chicken Parmesan so it's a solid night.

Summer Reading is Officially OVER

I finished annotating my book, although I'll probably go in and highlight a few random things before class starts. And I still haven't finished my Honor's Government homework, but I still have my lunch period to work on that. And now, I'll be making a CD for the car and then winding down for the night! I think I'll do some Pilates then clean out my drawers to see if there's anything I could donate to Goodwill. I just need to distract myself from my worries about tomorrow and the semester in general.

I really don't want the night to end. I'd do anything to not have to go to school tomorrow. I'm nervous and scared, even though I ought to be excited since it's the first day of my senior year. I'm nervous about how I'll be able to hold up with all of my stress. I'm nervous about how I'll make my schedule work with me. I'm scared by all the work I'll have to do, and how alone I'm going to be without Andy. I don't want the night to end at all. I'm so so stressed and worried, I don't wanna do this.

Sneeze post

My allergies are acting up today and I can't stop sneezing!!!! It's really obnoxious. I'm struggling to type this between the watering of my eyes and my need to grab tissues every thirty seconds. It's ridiculous! You can call me Emily the Red-Nosed Reindeer for now.

Oops forgot to switch out the laundry like my mom told me to oops

Since I finished my essay, I started cleaning out my closet finding stuff to donate to Goodwill. If there's one thing I don't have, it's closet space. It doesn't matter that much since a year from today I'll be moved in and getting ready to go to college, but it's still annoying.