Goodnight, Everybody!

Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.

WOOT WOOT

I finished another! I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!!

WOOT WOOT

I finished another! I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!!

WOO I GOT ANOTHER HOMEWORK DONE YAAAAAAAAS EM YASSS

9/6/14

Today was my last day as an LTE for Famous Footwear. I'll hopefully pick up work again sometime in November, I'm not quite sure exactly when yet. It was a slow day, but I made my sales goal and I think I met my numbers as a whole. Fingers crossed that the district manager hires me back! Now my focus is shifting  to school and especially the Fall play this year, which is Neil Simon's Fools. It's a comedy and a good show, so yay, but there's also only ten speaking roles. I'm sure I'll get one, but I can't help but get nervous.

WOOT WOOT ONE OF MY HOMEWORK'S IS DONE WOOT WOOT

9/"4"/14 (AKA Why School Sucks)

Last night my sister had a golf match that ended at 9:00 and I had a ridiculous amount of homework, so I didn't have time to post anything yesterday.  On the bright side, it was the first of the "late start Thursdays" where school doesn't start until 9:20. It was fantastic. School still was rough because of the ridiculous amount of homework I have to do and all the damage the stress of keeping up has caused me. I've already gained weight even though I'm eating less from the lack of time to exercise, I have constant headaches from tension, I've been having a lot of stomachaches from worrying, and being sleep deprived has been killing me.
     This is the first year that school has had such obvious and negative effects on me physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I'm only two weeks in. I thought last year was bad, with my breakdown in October, but right now I'm in much much worse than I ever was last year.

Thank goodness we're starting "late-start Thursdays" tomorrow....

Oops my 9/2/14 post accidentally got deleted!

Also, in response to the issue of the summer reading essay's and my English teacher- I actually did surprisingly well on the essay! I got a C-, whereas most kids got an F or a D-.

9/3/2014

So today was pretty ehhh, but I had the pleasure of CALLING THE FREAKING WHITE HOUSE during my Honors Government class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I quit. Goodnight!

Welcome to Struggletown, Population: ME

I DON'T WANNA

I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW AND I DON'T WANNA DO MY HOMEWORK TONIGHT AND ALL I WANNA DO IS CUDDLE ANDY AND EAT MAC AND CHEESE LIKE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR I DUNNO

Ok, I've done some homework! I did my Economics and wrote interview questions for Newspaper, which is an ehh start. I still have to finish Beowulf and write a thesis statement and study dates for English, then I have a ton of Stats homework, and a worksheet for Honors Government. It's still gross.

Labor Day

I had to work today, and currently I'm procrastinating from both cleaning my room AND doing my mountain of homework. What fun!!!!!

Last night Andy stopped by to visit me and it was the best part of my week. We watched The Spoils of Babylon, which basically makes fun of the soap opera Dallas, and it was extremely funny.

Adventures in Babysitting: 8-29-14

Megan and I babysat for the guests at my mother's friend's daughter's wedding. I had done it before; there was only one little girl there and she fell asleep withing 5 minutes. It was easy money, and that was how I expected it to be the other night. Oh my goodness were we wrong.

We were told ahead of time that the mothers of the kids would head back to the hotel with them to get them in their pajamas and put them to bed. This did not happen. We were also not given any estimate of how many kids there would be. THERE WERE 10 CHILDREN. TEN HYPER UNCONTROLLABLE CHILDREN. Eight of them were relatively docile, but there were two girls who were little jerks. One was 11 and was absolutely determined to stir the pot in any way. She tried to swim in the hotel's fountain, she repeatedly tried to sneak out, and she kept trying to steal money from my wallet, just to name a few things. The other girl was 3, and it was obvious that her parents have never said no to her ever. All she did was scream and beg for sugary things. It was hell.

And you know how much we were paid for this arduous task? $50. That's $10 per child, split between my sister and I. Nowhere close to enough for the ordeal we went through that night.

All I've done today is homework, blargh.

Meh Morning

So far this morning I've had this really weird, "meh" feeling. I don't know how to describe it other than by saying "meh." I just wish I didn't have to go back to school or that I was off at college instead. Not that college would be any easier than high school, but I just don't want to deal with any people. I don't dislike the people I go to school with, I just think that nobody there really gives a shit about me and that hurts a lot. Like when we had the little donut/thumb-wrestling assembly on the first day of school- everybody was with their own little friend groups talking about their summers and comparing schedules, and I was all alone. I tried talking to other people, but it didn't really work because I just felt so out of place. I know that in college, I can find some lasting friends easily enough. I still have my friends from New York, but since I'm completely alone at school and at home, I just feel hopelessly lonely.

YAY ANDY'S COMING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

8/29/14

Today was a really really awful day for pretty much everyone I know. I had more tension headaches, some classmate's grandpa died, and more. My neighbor got a speeding ticket when she was driving me home from school, and the poor thing was so so so upset and couldn't stop crying the whole way home. Then in newspaper, things were really rough for me. Lately I've been feeling more and more like a doormat to my co-editor. Don't get me wrong, she's an incredibly gifted designer and she's incredibly responsible and organized, and I respect her so so much, but I feel left out of major moments and I look like an idiot in the process. Even if other's don't see me that way, I can't help but feel like an idiot when the staff asks me questions that I have no clue how to answer, like what''s for homework. And today we had all of our story ideas due, and me, our adviser, and the girl were supposed to all look through them to get an idea of what's going on before people start turning in their rough drafts, or so I thought.

Instead, the adviser looked through all the ideas and gave everybody their rightful grades, then the girl took them all and planned out the entire issue. Basically, she decided every single thing that was going to be published in the issue.

If I wasn't sharing this position with her, I wouldn't have been as upset as I was, but it really hurt my feelings and made me feel forgotten, ignored, and powerless. I wanted to say something right then and there, but I couldn't and if I did I would've regretted it, because 1). I suck at confronting people who are "equals" who intimidate me, 2). I didn't want to ruin our dynamic as a leadership team for the rest of the year, 3). I knew if I tried to say anything I'd start to cry in front of everyone, and if I did I'd make an ass of myself, 4). publicly berating her wouldn't solve anything and I need to learn how to work with people like her for the rest of my life, and 5). I needed to calm down before I did anything stupid and could talk it through with our adviser before doing anything.

After school ended, I went and talked with my adviser in her classroom. She was very kind and understanding and put up with my impossible to contain crying, and she gave me some great advice:

"There are two types of leaders, chess leaders and checker leaders. You're a chess leader; you see every person as a vital piece and use their strengths to push you towards a victory. She is a checker leader. Each piece looks the same, and each is one of many means to an end. That's not necessarily bad, but if you ignore the big picture and make each individual feel like the team's victory is one of his or her personal victories, you become a tyrant."

What she taught me about myself is that I work hard to make sure everyone feels included in every victory and that I play to other's strengths to make that happen. I boost morale and serve as a guiding light for others. I don't see other's as means to a personal victory: it's a team effort.

Nonetheless, I'm nervous.

It's 12:15 and I still haven't started Beowulf

Great.

While studying my AP English notes, I noticed that there was a whole lot of stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with English, but I don't really mind.

I really miss Andy right now. Just bleh. It hasn't even been a week and I really feel bleh about it all. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh.

Third Day of Senior Year

Today was a really uneventful day. School was okay, nothing bad happened but nothing fantastic did either. I'm feeling pretty good about AP Bio and AP Stats; a lot of the stuff we learn in both as far as the math goes go hand in hand. I really enjoy Economics and Honors Gov, neither of which I was expecting to enjoy. The teachers just have this magic way of making me feel enlightened, and I adore that. AP English is the same way, just a lot more nerve-wracking!

One of my coworkers got into a really bad 4-wheeler ATV accident today so I now am covering his Friday shift. I don't mind though, it'll give me another opportunity to bring up my numbers and I get to collect my second-to-last paycheck as an LTE so yay!