Oops....

That awkward moment where you go on tumblr for an hour and a half instead of reading Dracula like you told yourself you would do......





Yup, I'm awful.

I'm (sort of) in the home stretch now! I now only have to do the reading for English and my Stats homework, woooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm still dying guys!!!!!!

Hi my name is Emily and I'm dying slowly.

Uggggh (SOS)

I somehow finished the stupid scholarship essay before 8:00, but I still have a ridiculous amount of homework left to do. I still have to tear apart a poem, watch a video, start a paper, and read at least 20 pages of Dracula for English, I have three AP Stats problems as well as a multiple choice worksheet, an AP Bio lab report to work on, religion homework, and I have to somehow get my shit together for this video in Video Production. I'm screwed on so so so so so many different levels this week, and I just want to drop out of school forever. I only go at this point to see the people who matter to me. Everything else is completely pointless and I hate it.

I honestly want to cry.

3/9/15

Uggggggh today was pretty rough. It wasn't that terrible overall, like I looked really good today and I had some fun moments with friends, but I was brutally murdered by my AP Bio test and I'm being injured further by excessive work this week on top of a stupid scholarship application due tomorrow that my mom is making me do and I want to hurl myself off of a cliff because I AM DYING!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm developing an ulcer and I don't want to eat or do any school work. 

Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!

Happy International Women's Day!!!!!!!

Keep in mind all them women who have influenced your life and have shaped the world around you in some way- whether they be your idols, your mother, sister(s), aunt(s), girl friends, or significant other(s), women have shaped your life in more ways than you can imagine, regardless of your gender.

My brain has been turned to MUSH

I have quite the brain-ache from attempting to understand cellular respiration, fermentation, and cellular communication so needless to say I want to hurl myself off a cliff and also online window-shop/pin things to Pinterest until I fall asleep. I'm going to try to do some small exercise things before I go to sleep since MY ENTIRE DAY WAS CONSUMED BY SCHOOLWORK and I couldn't work out at all.

I am dead.

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggh school why do you do this to me almost every single Sunday? I've been so good, why do I always get stuck spending my entire Sunday on stupid work and still never end up being anywhere close to finished?! It's annoying as can be...

Okay, I've done some AP Stats homework (but not even close to half of it, I guess it is what it is for now!), and now I'm going to take some time to work on an AP Bio practice test so I can get a better idea of what's coming my way. I'm probably still going to die, but that's just the risk you take when taking AP/IB/Honors/Accelerated courses!

On the bright side, I had veal parmesan and spaghetti for dinner, so I'm ready for battle! 

Ugggggggh

My head is killing me and I think I'm pretty close to death. I'm slowly being murdered by my AP Bio test studying, and I haven't even gotten to my AP Stats homework yet or found some of the things I need for my other classes... 

Way to go, Emily!!!!!

Good Morning!!!!

Oh my goodness I have a whole lot of work to do today! I need to catch up on all my homework, find a binder for an assignment, study, exercise, and more... I have my work cut out for me today, essentially.

I'M HOOOOOOOME!!!!

I had a pretty good time in Chicago! We took a lot of side roads on the way out of Ohio which was pretty interesting. My favorite piece of small-town Americana that I witnessed was a pawn shop sign that said "SELLING OLD JEW" because the "ELRY" portion of the sign fell off. Thursday night we got into Chicago pretty close to midnight, so I was incredibly tired. I managed to survive my dad's snoring throughout the whole trip by packing headphones and sleeping with music on!

Friday morning we got up fairly early and took the El to the Michigan Avenue area to get breakfast at a restaurant called Wildberry. It was FANTASTIC!!!! They specialize in fancy shmancy pancakes and have pancakes like Oreo pancakes, Tirimasu pancakes, and more available! I had a cinnamon roll pancake and it was possibly the best breakfast that I had ever eaten! After Wildberry, we split up and left my sister to shop around while my mom, dad, and I took another train to DePaul's Loop campus for the College of Computing and Digital Media event. The event itself was ehhh, but I did get to meet my roommate for next year, Tori, and she was pretty nice! She had a really good sense of humor, and I think we'll have fun together. I also met one of the people from the Facebook group who is actually someone that I would love to be friends with, Mykala, and she was also incredibly nice and a lot of fun based off the time I got to spend with her. After the first academic information session, my mom left my dad and I to meet up with my sister so they could tour Loyola. After about an hour, my dad and I decided to head back to the hotel and then napped the afternoon away. It was pretty nice, honestly! 

This morning, we went to our favorite little breakfast place by DePaul, Jam n' Honey, and I had eggs Benedict which was as lovely as ever! Then, we took a (not really impactful but not that bad of an experience) tour of the Lincoln Park campus since my dad hasn't seen it yet. After that, we trucked our way home and I've unpacked and started relaxing ever since I returned!

Woo!!!

I'm going to be in Chicago visiting DePaul and won't be home until sometime late Saturday night, so I won't be posting for the next few days! I'll have some stories and perhaps pictures from the trip when I get back, though! Ahhhhh I'm excited!!!!!

I had a really long treadmill session so I'm totally beat now! I'm going to try to work out some more after dinner tonight.

There's nothing quite like having the day off! I'm definitely going to be working out today, as well as getting ahead on homework and working on my mom's list of chores for me. I'm going to get my hair trimmed later, as well! I'm not sure what else I'm going to do today as of yet

Good Morning!!!!!

Goodnight for now!!!!

Thank goodness for school off tomorrow!

"Power" by Audre Lorde

The difference between poetry and rhetoric

is being ready to kill

yourself

instead of your children.

I am trapped on a desert of raw gunshot wounds

and a dead child dragging his shattered black

face off the edge of my sleep

blood from his punctured cheeks and shoulders

is the only liquid for miles

and my stomach

churns at the imagined taste while

my mouth splits into dry lips

without loyalty or reason

thirsting for the wetness of his blood

as it sinks into the whiteness

of the desert where I am lost

without imagery or magic

trying to make power out of hatred and destruction

trying to heal my dying son with kisses

only the sun will bleach his bones quicker.

A policeman who shot down a ten year old in Queens

stood over the boy with his cop shoes in childish blood

and a voice said “Die you little motherfucker” and

there are tapes to prove it. At his trial

this policeman said in his own defense

“I didn't notice the size nor nothing else

only the color”. And

there are tapes to prove that, too.

Today that 37 year old white man

with 13 years of police forcing

was set free

by eleven white men who said they were satisfied

justice had been done

and one Black Woman who said

“They convinced me” meaning

they had dragged her 4'10'' black Woman's frame

over the hot coals

of four centuries of white male approval

until she let go

the first real power she ever had

and lined her own womb with cement

to make a graveyard for our children.

I have not been able to touch the destruction

within me.

But unless I learn to use

the difference between poetry and rhetoric

my power too will run corrupt as poisonous mold

or lie limp and useless as an unconnected wire

and one day I will take my teenaged plug

and connect it to the nearest socket

raping an 85 year old white woman

who is somebody's mother

and as I beat her senseless and set a torch to her bed

a greek chorus will be singing in 3/4 time

“Poor thing. She never hurt a soul. What beasts they are.”

"Cinderella" by Sylvia Plath

The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,

Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan

Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels

Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall

Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;

Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall

Reflecting in a million flagons’ shine.

And glided couples all in a whirling trance

Follow holiday revel begun long since,

Until near twelve the strange girl all at once

Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk

She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

Poetry Project

I just worked on a part of my Poetry Exit Analysis Essay and I'm kinda jazzed about it! Well, about the poetry and the poets, NOT the workload. My topic is "Women," and while I'm not sure exactly what my teacher is hoping to see from this project, I love the work of the poets whom I selected: Sylvia Plath, Audre Lorde, and Dorothy Parker. So I'm going to do what I can to make sure I get everything together and presented well. 

I think the direction I want to go into is exploring each poets' definition of what it means to be "woman" and reflections on womanhood. It's not like I can just make some simple thesis like I could have with some of the other topics like Nature, War, and Politics. Basically, I want to make sure that my work is of a high caliber so that I can impress myself most of all with my achievements! 

I may periodically post my favorite poems from the evening on here, so be ready for some poetry!

On the bright side, I'm currently making bank on InboxDollars.com! If you haven't seen my banner or are interested in signing up yourself, HERE is the link to get signed up. It's honestly very easy to use, and is definitely helping me make some money outside of work and school, which I definitely need.

Ugggggggggggh (AGAIN)

This afternoon was pretty rough. I had to go to a meeting about States for theater and I essentially got screwed left and right. First, I was shafted in terms of rooming since my "friends" banded up and didn't let me room with them, so I'm stuck rooming with three girls that I barely know/am not close to at all. Like two of the girls are very nice and I don't mind being stuck with them, but the third girl is very annoying. I just feel kinda alone and excluded in that situation. The second way I was screwed in this meeting was by people not offering to help/making excuses for why they can't help me with my video production video even though we have school off tomorrow... I'm really really screwed for that video and I don't really know what to do there. If I can't get actors, I'm screwed screwed screwed and am going to be stuck with another awful, embarrassing to watch video that I essentially worked on by myself. The whole situation is very frustrating and I just want to give up everything. 

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh

I hardly have anything to do but I'm so so sooooooooo tired and I just want to take a nap more than anything. Literally from the moment I woke up I felt like I've been dying and I just want to crawl back in bed....

Last Night

My sister needed to use my laptop last night for studying, so I didn't really get to blog much last night. I did keep myself fairly busy though!

I mean, an hour and a half long nap isn't necessarily productive, but I could have done worse! After dinner, I watched an episode of Gangland while walking on the treadmill, and got about twenty minutes into the award-winning documentary The Act of Killing when my mom kicked me off so she could work out. Overall, it was a super productive workout!

After that, I helped my sister study for her Spanish test then went to bed.