Nervous Rant

I'm so freaking nervous about tomorrow. SO. SO. NERVOUS. 

I'm nervous about Newspaper because my story and design were due days ago. I'm nervous for AP Bio because I'm thisclose to having to take an additional exam and I cannot afford to miss a single point on ANY assignment, and I mean any! I'm nervous about video production because I still have no footage for one of my projects. I'm nervous for AP Stats because I have no clue as to what is happening. I'm nervous about all my AP Tests because I just don't feel ready at all. I feel so so overwhelmed.

And I'm nervous about asking my friend to Prom as well. Like I know he'll say yes, but it's still super nerve-wracking, like what if I mess up all my words and just sound and look like a complete idiot? What if, minutes before I ask, somebody else does so he has to say no to me? What if there's somehow something unattractive about me in that moment and he gets super grossed out? Like I know a lot of this is super unlikely, but it's still every bit as terrifying, ya know?

I just need to really really really relax, not have to go to school for a few weeks, and forget about everything. I feel so flustered, confused, nervous, and overall on edge about everything. Like I'm simultaneously super excited and super terrified to face the day tomorrow. It really shouldn't be like this but I can't help it!!!!!!!

She took my phone away again because I didn't have my makeup on at a certain point for the second round of my senior pictures! It's not like I was dicking around all day on my phone, I was working on homework and doing laundry FOR HER so what the fuck is she trying to punish me for? Being studious? What the fuck?!






Needless to say I can't wait to not have to deal with her shit and irrational punishments in college. Just a few more months!

BRB I hate my mom more than life

Ugggggggggh I hate/love life and I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings!

I've got good news, but first I have to go through all the blehhhhhhh first.

So Friday I got a text from a number that I didn't recognize. It turned out that it was this guy who has been stalking me and pretty much every other girl in my grade since about sophomore year, searching for a Prom date. Even though I'm looking, I'm not that desperate! I avoided him like the plague, and since have decided to take my fate into my own hands. That's right. I'm asking somebody instead of being asked. 

However, Saturday things had turned for the better! I not only got to have brunch and a lovely walk in the park with Andy, but I also got all dolled up for some senior photos, and I love getting dolled up! I took a luxurious bubble bath (I used a bubble bar and a bath bomb from LUSH, the water was incredibly pink and smelled amazing), and then got some wonderful news! The guy who I'm planning on asking is thinking of a way to ask me, but he still wants me to ask first because he's very shy. That really made me feel a lot less nervous/terrified, so I'm thankful for that. 

Currently I'm stressing over homework and grades. I'm in grave danger of having to take an exam in AP Bio in addition to the AP Test, and that really freaking scares me. I'm so so screwed. I'm also in relative danger in AP Stats because I'm so so sooooooooooo screwed for that AP Test, I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing in the multiple  choice sections. 

Bleh.

I was hoping to see Andy today since I have no school, but nope! I'm just going to be working on homework and running errands all day! At least lacrosse will be fun tonight; it's bot going to snow like it did on Wednesday!

4/23/15, or I still don't have a prom date shoot me in the knee please

I hate everything. I hate that nobody has/will ask me to prom. I hate that nobody will listen to my fears about it. I hate myself for buying a dress that I can't return since I'm probably not going to get a date. I hate my friend for not taking the numerous hints that I want him to ask me. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Goodnight!

:'-)

That awkward and painful moment when you realize your Prom date prospects are pretty much nonexistent....

:'-)

Oh, and I still don't have a Prom date yet...

And there are two and a half weeks until Prom...

Overall, I was pretty productive today! I did a lot more than I would have in school, even though I still have a sizable amount of work ahead of me (as in all my Stats homework from last week, studying for AP tests, etc.) but at least I did SOMETHING!

"Sick" Day

Today, I'm taking a me day! I'm going to be using this time to catch up on my work, get back on my blogging flow, then do some chores. The rest of my time will be spent relaxing! I really needed this though, and I'm glad I have it now.

WHAT A WEEK!

This week wasn't really all that eventful. I've just been incredibly lazy all around and far too busy with Lacrosse to post. On the bright side, I had a revelation and decided to switch my second major from PR/Advertising to Journalism. It just feels so right! On the mehhhhhhhhhhh side, I still don't have a prom date. That's life, I guess!

IT IS FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything but my scholarship essay, whoops.... On that note, GOODNIGHT.

YOOOOOOOOO I'M BACK BITCHES

I'm FINALLY home after a pretty hellish return that included being stuck overnight in Philadelphia! I've been powering away at my homework all day and haven't had the time to do anything else. I did work out some this morning for the first time in ages! That's definitely a plus. Tomorrow night I'm going to an admitted students reception in Cleveland for DePaul and I'm pretty excited! I'll be glad to finally have a lot of my work off my chest, at least. 

Aruba Day....4? I dunno I lost track...

I'M HAVING A FANTASTIC TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aruba Day 1

It's been a little over 24 hours since I got into Aruba, and I really like the country! I wish my mom and sister were here, but their flight lands in about 30 minutes. The WiFi at this resort is atrocious, it doesn't work in our rooms, but rather outside of them, and even then it turns off and on really randomly. This is not the environment for getting work done!!!!

Today, my aunt and I went to Palm Beach and visited both of our resort's pools.One is particularly great- it has a swim-up bar!!!! I'm pretty excited for that in particular... What? I love Kahlua and Cream and virgin daiquiris! 

I'M IN ARUBA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I pulled an all-nighter last night. Partially from watching Bob's Burgers, then from 1:45 onward it was from taking care of my sister. She got incredibly sick during the night, and unfortunately she and my mom did not fly down today with my aunt and I. They are coming down tomorrow though, so it'll be be okay in the end! I'm just incredibly annoyed because I'm stuck with my aunt (the same one I was ready to murder back in Canada last June, if any of you remember) and all her retired teacher friends on my own. She isn't letting my sister and I share a room together which only makes things more annoying. I could really use a nap, but I'm about to take this day off from my family and the quiet time away from my aunt to work on my English essay. I packed a laptop for once, so this is the first vacation that I've ever been able to blog during!

On the bright side, Aruba is absolutely GORGEOUS! Our resort is pretty nice, except their WiFi is atrocious. It's my saving grace, but simultaneously it's killing me softly. 

Today was pretty successful, except I failed miserably in attempting to wax my bikini line. I also failed miserably in getting a bikini body, so I guess I'm two for two in bikini-related failures!

SPRING BREAAAAAAAK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO happy that I'm done with school for the next week! I'm beyond tired from everything. I've been gone for about two days, so here's a quick update on how that all went!

On Wednesday I had my last day of school. There were a lot of sucky moments, though. In Video Production, while trying to upload my footage for one of my videos, we discovered that every last bit of it was gone. I nearly cried. I also fell off our bus when we arrived at the lacrosse away game. Everyone was really helpful getting me back on my feet, making sure I was okay (I landed on my bad ankle, of course), and offering to carry all my stuff for me. That was the final sucky part of the day, though. Varsity won 17-5, and JV had a tie. Varsity played first, which is the best because then they all love to hang out and talk with the trainers afterwards. I got to be part of a cuddle puddle and it was really warm and pleasant. They also brought me food, it was so sweet! This year has easily been the best year for training for me. My first year I was with the Girls Lacrosse team. They were all nice, but I hardly had anything to do, and I never really felt included in things with the team. Last year I worked with the Track team. That was fun because I had a lot to do, but since I never had to go to any of their meets, I never really got to bond with anyone on the team. This year however, I feel like I'm a part of their team. The boys and the coaches are kind and inclusive, and they make training enjoyable. Even the practices in terrible weather are fun, because I get to be a part of it. Like yesterday they had a small practice since half the team is on vacation. I had made Gatorade for them as a present for winning, and that went over very well. I also got to "officiate" the game as the sole referee, even though I don't know the majority of the rules. It was still very fun to get to be that involved!

Yesterday before the practice, I had to take my sister to school for this leadership workshop that she was doing from 8-12. I had two hours to kill before practice, so I helped my mom out by making some decorations for a school fundraiser. After practice, my sister and I got lunch at Swenson's, a wonderful burger place, then drove up to Cleveland to visit a mall. I got a Prom dress (YAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!) from Cache and two other dresses from Express, as well as a pair of dress pants and some bath bombs/bubble bars from Lush. I'm pretty happy with my dress for Prom! While it's nothing like the one I really wanted to get, I still look and feel gorgeous in it. My sister said I looked like a Greek goddess in it, and I agree! It's a very flowy, cream and gold dress with a beautiful high neckline. Now, all I need is a date! When we got home, I took a long nap, then ate a bagel sandwich around 8:30 before heading back to bed for the night. I was incredibly tired out.

This morning has been pretty uneventful. I got to sleep in for the first time in AGES, but I have terrible cramps right now. Later, I'll get to pack for Aruba. Thank goodness for Spring Break!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!

Ugggggggh it is finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost.... there.......

3/31/15

Today wasn't too shabby! Once I finished my major English project last night, things got somewhat better for me. Today was a bit of a lazy day. My Religion test was a piece of cake, and I'm glad that it'll be out of the way. I still have an AP Stats test and another AP Bio quiz tomorrow. After that though, I'll finally be on Spring break!!!!!

I had a pretty solid nap in school today under a table in our newspaper room during my study hall. It was the perfect length, I loved it! That was the highlight of my day!

Tonight was the first Home Lacrosse game. The boys lost, but they did better than they had expected, which is always nice. They have an away game tomorrow and it's supposed to be warm out, but there are also supposed to be thunderstorms with it. 

Now all I have left to do is finish off my math homework and study a little more for AP Bio, then I'm done!!!!

Meh

Ugggggggh I really don't wanna do my homework, but I NEED to turn in my English project tomorrow OR ELSE!!!! On the bright side, I only have like 2 and a half reflections left to write, and then all kinds of math homework to do...

I'm Back!

Ugggggh I'm so so tired, last week was too busy and the past week has been beyond hectic. I've hardly gotten anything done or gotten any sleep whatsoever! I forget when my last post was, but there was another away lacrosse game the night after that. The team got killed, but it was okay because they had expected to lose. I got home super late and then had to pack up my bag for the State Theater Conference the next day. 

I survived the few classes I had before being dismissed for the conference. We had to pack up a giant truck with all of the set pieces, costumes, and tech equipment which took about an hour or so. The bus ride down to Columbus was easily the worst two and a half hours of my life. I was originally sitting on my own, then last second this random boy who I don't know ran on the bus, saw that I was on my own and sat down. I didn't want to be close to him so I was pressed up against the window. The seat was right on top of the heater for the bus, and if you are unfamiliar with American schoolbus heaters, let me tell you that they are a bitch. Your feet will be burned off unless you lift them up. So basically, I was practically curled into a ball in the seat with this boy who, while he is significantly smaller than I am, took up more than 3/4 of the space because he HAD TO SPREAD HIS FUCKING LEGS. SORRY SON, BUT YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH BALL ROOM. Uggggggh that was awful.

Then we kinda rushed around all weekend between the hotel and the conference. Our show went over fantastically, and had a flawless performance! I saw two other fantastic shows, Legally Blonde: the Musical and The Foreigner. The majority of the shows I saw were shit. I didn't go to a single workshop while I was there because 1.) the timing conflicted with shows I was going to see or the show I was working on or 2.) the workshop topic wasn't remotely interesting to me. Like they have a lot of improv workshops, but those are terrible because every theater kid and their mother goes and wants to participate and there's a lot of yelling and people thinking that they're god's gift to humor when they aren't. 

The food at the conference was atrocious. A bunch of kids got food poisoning from one of the dinner options from Saturday night. The choices were either "Chinese" or Lasagna, and the lasagna gave people food poisoning. When I opened my boxed Chinese meal, the fried rice was a deep brown/green color and a limp egg roll I threw out after I took two gross bites. When the highlight of the Festival's food was the Cosmic Brownie thrown in the dinner box, you know the food is atrocious. The whole thing was terribly organized as well. Like the schedule is on this "Guidebook" app, and a bunch of things that were at the conference weren't on the schedule! For instance, a school was performing The Crucible, which is one of my favorite plays, and it wasn't in the guidebook at all! I would have rather seen The Crucible than the shitty Dr. Who- themed show any day of the week!

Getting home and sleeping in my own bed was the best thing that happened, honestly. 

With everything going on in my life, I have been incredibly stressed out and I've been feeling depressed lately. I just don't have much zeal for the things I love anymore. I just want to stay in bed all day, and randomly throughout the day I have to fight the urge to cry, and I hardly ever have a reason to cry. I need Spring Break to come faster, even though my Aruba body is nowhere near ready yet. 

Uggggggggggh I can't focus in study hall at all right now....

There's this incredibly obnoxious and loud group of Freshmen sitting across the table from me and I can't concentrate on my poetry analysis project at ALL. Tonight is going to kill me. I want to turn in my poetry project tomorrow but I will probably get home some time around 10:30, I have to pack my stuff for States, and there's no way I'll have the energy to work and finish this tonight. I'm getting nowhere, ugggggggh. 

I think I'll do what I can tonight, but I think I'll just have to turn my project in on Monday. That may be the only viable option. Nonetheless I am ridiculously tired out and ridiculously annoyed with the Freshmen sitting in front of me.