Goodnight

I'm calling it quits. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday and I get to see Andy on Saturday. I just need the week to end, I'm so so tired of everything.

On top of all that, I'm worried about getting film club back on its feet. Even though I don't have to go through the approval process again, the teacher who was the moderator doesn't have the time to moderate the club this year since he's doing other stuff and moderating a new club, so I have to try to find somebody interested in doing that. Plus, I haven't even brought this idea up to my parents yet. I'm sure they'll say yes since I quit the play, but I can never be positive. I really want to do this, because I desperately miss film club and I don't want it to die. It's the last piece of Andy I have at school, and I want to preserve it as best I can.

I have my first AP Bio test tomorrow and I'm pretty terrified. I may as well just kiss my GPA Goodbye for the rest of the semester. School is just getting to be too much.

Uggggggggggh I HATE DANCE PROPOSALS UNLESS THEY ARE HAPPENING TO ME MAKE THEM STOOOOPPPP

9/18/14

Or, why I hate School Dances

Today wasn't the best day for me. About ten gazillion people were asking each other to Homecoming, and it kept hitting me that that wouldn't be happening for me. Prom last year was already one dance too many for Andy, so I wouldn't want to put him through any more. We talked it through awhile ago, and he said that he'd be okay with me going with guy friends as dates to dances, so I was thinking that maybe something like that would happen this year. But nope! I want to go to Homecoming, but I don't want to go alone. It's a Catch-22 because my boyfriend doesn't want to go and would be happy if somebody asked me to go, but nobody is going to ask me to go because I have a boyfriend.

I just hate walking around and seeing all these cute and sweet things happening to my girlfriends and other girls at my school, and knowing that nothing like that is going to happen for me. The only reason that my boyfriend asked me to Prom in a cute way (He wrote me a series of notes and then made a playlist that spelled out PROM, I saw it coming from the first note but I let him go crazy with it!) was because everybody was bugging him about how he was going to ask me. When he told me that at the time, it really hurt my feelings because his heart really wasn't in the whole prom thing at all. Basically, that half-hearted asking is about as close as I'll get to the cute little things so many guys do.

It seems really trivial and stupid, I know, but I can't help but feel that way about all of the school dance business. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I love the little things like that, even if they "won't matter in the long run." It's the thought that counts, and it hurts a lot that nobody's thinking of me,

School dances for me have been disasters for me as a whole. No matter what dance I've been to, there's always been something wrong. Freshman year, my boyfriend was a dick and I didn't really like to dance during anything but slow songs so it was painfully awkward. Sophomore year was easily the worst. For Homecoming, I had been freshly dumped and my ex had brought a date from another school, and on top of that nobody asked me, AND the group of "friends" that I was planning on going with kicked me out because I didn't have a date. Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. The winter formal was supposed to be better, but it was also awful. The weekend before the dance, after I bought my dress and the tickets and everything, the guy that I was dating dumped me over the phone and I was dateless. Being alone there was just too much for me, I was miserable at the dance and I spent most of it crying in the bathroom.  Junior year I didn't go to any of the dances besides Prom. It was ok, I didn't miss out on anything missing those dances. Prom was just a hassle with getting dressed and all the other fancy shtuff and we hardly did anything but eat and sit around at our table. Literally we sat the entire time and made fun of the music.

This year, I feel obligated to go to all the dances since it'll be the last time that I'll ever have to deal with dances ever, plus all my girlfriends are pressuring me to go. And I do want to; I love getting all dolled up and everything. I just don't want to go through it alone, because dances alone make me miserable.