Goodnight, I guess

Peace out from your favorite anthropomorphic garbage can
~Emily

Do you ever just sit and think about all of your failures and painfully recollect the moment when you knew you were a worthless piece of human trash and wasted potential? Because same...

My earlier outburst...

Obviously I was having a pretty excellent night before my last post, so I'm sure you're wondering what happened.

Remember how a month ago I had turned in a scholarship application for DePaul? Well, a bunch of people posted on the DePaul Facebook page about how they had gotten emails informing them that they were finalists and would be selected for an interview with DePaul for the scholarship. So far, I've gotten nothing. I was incredibly upset at that moment because: 

1. People shouldn't have been bragging about that over Facebook in front of everybody who obviously would not be getting an interview.
2. I had worked SO SO HARD on that application; it was PRISTINE! Plus, I have so many different leadership experiences under my belt! I'm the President of a club, I've been the secretary of another, I've got varsity letters for Athletic Training, I've been on the editorial board of my school newspaper ever since I started there and I'm the GOD DAMN EDITOR IN CHIEF so I am essentially the head of my school's press! I've been with the National Youth Leadership Foundation's Envision program, and I was selected among my peers as their leader while I was there! And these are the kids who are hardcore and ambitious, dedicated and driven, and they chose ME as their leader...
3. One of the girls who was bragging about getting an interview had previously posted about procrastinating on the scholarship application in the first place! She said something along the lines of "Whew just barely managed to make the midnight deadline anybody else with me?" with some emojis after turning it in. It just disgusts me overall that someone who procrastinated and probably didn't work nearly as hard is so happily flaunting it about.
4. When these things happen to me (and they happen all the time, I'm never good enough for anything) it makes me reevaluate my worth as a person and really tears me apart.

I had been temporarily cheered up by one of my friend's who is going to DePaul next year telling me that they are going to be letting people know if they are finalists all the way to the end of the month, so there's some hope for me. But then, my sister ruined the good mood.

My sister doesn't believe in me at all. When I tried to tell her about how I was feeling, she just berated me, told me I was being over-dramatic, told me that I'm not that special, and all this other stuff. I couldn't take it anymore and just cried. I'm still crying, to be honest. I always support her in ALL of her endeavors, even if I don't support the reasons behind them or the beliefs backing them up. She's my sister, and I love her, so I support her because that's what good sisters do. But she never does the same thing for me. Honestly she treats me like dirt and I'm sick of it.

God I feel like shit.

I FREAKING LOVE BEING REMINDED OF MY OWN MEDIOCRITY WOOHOO!!!!!

2/20/15

Today I was pretty productive! I never want to see another pair of scissors again after all that I did with making flags and cutting up tee shirts for a quilt my mom is making! I made soup, didn't really get a chance to blog at all because my sister was hogging the computer, but that's okay since I'm here now! Tonight I'm going to be washing dishes, working out again, and then heading back into the world of Netflix documentaries and knitting!

Goodnight!!!