GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!

Ugggggggh it is finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost.... there.......

3/31/15

Today wasn't too shabby! Once I finished my major English project last night, things got somewhat better for me. Today was a bit of a lazy day. My Religion test was a piece of cake, and I'm glad that it'll be out of the way. I still have an AP Stats test and another AP Bio quiz tomorrow. After that though, I'll finally be on Spring break!!!!!

I had a pretty solid nap in school today under a table in our newspaper room during my study hall. It was the perfect length, I loved it! That was the highlight of my day!

Tonight was the first Home Lacrosse game. The boys lost, but they did better than they had expected, which is always nice. They have an away game tomorrow and it's supposed to be warm out, but there are also supposed to be thunderstorms with it. 

Now all I have left to do is finish off my math homework and study a little more for AP Bio, then I'm done!!!!

Meh

Ugggggggh I really don't wanna do my homework, but I NEED to turn in my English project tomorrow OR ELSE!!!! On the bright side, I only have like 2 and a half reflections left to write, and then all kinds of math homework to do...

I'm Back!

Ugggggh I'm so so tired, last week was too busy and the past week has been beyond hectic. I've hardly gotten anything done or gotten any sleep whatsoever! I forget when my last post was, but there was another away lacrosse game the night after that. The team got killed, but it was okay because they had expected to lose. I got home super late and then had to pack up my bag for the State Theater Conference the next day. 

I survived the few classes I had before being dismissed for the conference. We had to pack up a giant truck with all of the set pieces, costumes, and tech equipment which took about an hour or so. The bus ride down to Columbus was easily the worst two and a half hours of my life. I was originally sitting on my own, then last second this random boy who I don't know ran on the bus, saw that I was on my own and sat down. I didn't want to be close to him so I was pressed up against the window. The seat was right on top of the heater for the bus, and if you are unfamiliar with American schoolbus heaters, let me tell you that they are a bitch. Your feet will be burned off unless you lift them up. So basically, I was practically curled into a ball in the seat with this boy who, while he is significantly smaller than I am, took up more than 3/4 of the space because he HAD TO SPREAD HIS FUCKING LEGS. SORRY SON, BUT YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH BALL ROOM. Uggggggh that was awful.

Then we kinda rushed around all weekend between the hotel and the conference. Our show went over fantastically, and had a flawless performance! I saw two other fantastic shows, Legally Blonde: the Musical and The Foreigner. The majority of the shows I saw were shit. I didn't go to a single workshop while I was there because 1.) the timing conflicted with shows I was going to see or the show I was working on or 2.) the workshop topic wasn't remotely interesting to me. Like they have a lot of improv workshops, but those are terrible because every theater kid and their mother goes and wants to participate and there's a lot of yelling and people thinking that they're god's gift to humor when they aren't. 

The food at the conference was atrocious. A bunch of kids got food poisoning from one of the dinner options from Saturday night. The choices were either "Chinese" or Lasagna, and the lasagna gave people food poisoning. When I opened my boxed Chinese meal, the fried rice was a deep brown/green color and a limp egg roll I threw out after I took two gross bites. When the highlight of the Festival's food was the Cosmic Brownie thrown in the dinner box, you know the food is atrocious. The whole thing was terribly organized as well. Like the schedule is on this "Guidebook" app, and a bunch of things that were at the conference weren't on the schedule! For instance, a school was performing The Crucible, which is one of my favorite plays, and it wasn't in the guidebook at all! I would have rather seen The Crucible than the shitty Dr. Who- themed show any day of the week!

Getting home and sleeping in my own bed was the best thing that happened, honestly. 

With everything going on in my life, I have been incredibly stressed out and I've been feeling depressed lately. I just don't have much zeal for the things I love anymore. I just want to stay in bed all day, and randomly throughout the day I have to fight the urge to cry, and I hardly ever have a reason to cry. I need Spring Break to come faster, even though my Aruba body is nowhere near ready yet. 

Uggggggggggh I can't focus in study hall at all right now....

There's this incredibly obnoxious and loud group of Freshmen sitting across the table from me and I can't concentrate on my poetry analysis project at ALL. Tonight is going to kill me. I want to turn in my poetry project tomorrow but I will probably get home some time around 10:30, I have to pack my stuff for States, and there's no way I'll have the energy to work and finish this tonight. I'm getting nowhere, ugggggggh. 

I think I'll do what I can tonight, but I think I'll just have to turn my project in on Monday. That may be the only viable option. Nonetheless I am ridiculously tired out and ridiculously annoyed with the Freshmen sitting in front of me. 

Yesterday

Yesterday wasn't nearly as abysmal as Monday was, but it still was ehhhh. The lacrosse team had an away game, which they won (yay!), but it was pretty far away. When I got home, I was completely dead. I was barely able to stay awake. 

Goodnight...

I got next to nothing done tonight. There's no way in hell that I'll be finished with this project by the time I leave for the State Theater Conference, especially with two away games...

Uggggggggggggggggggggggh

Dear school, 
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS BULLSHIT?! I've been a good girl all my life, I've behaved in class and paid attention, I've diligently done my work, and I hardly take time off for myself. Why must you keep getting harder and more stressful for me?!  I have never done you wrong. I'm in the final quarter of my senior year! Things were supposed to get easy this semester!!!!! Alas, they aren't...

I may just sneak downstairs for a snack before I get back to work on all my other stuff. I can hardly think straight my brain feels like a slushie!

I SURVIVED THE PLACEMENT TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I bombed two sections and I may need to retake them which SUCKS, and if I do poorly on them again, I may have to retake the class I took last year for math. I wouldn't really complain about that though, because I did pretty well. I just wish I had my binder from that class still!!!! Like I don't really want to go into college taking some incredibly difficult math class when I'm not really going to need much math where I'm going. Just basic Algebra and arithmetic! Still, my brain is completely fried and I'm in no mood to work on my English project or anything else, for that matter!

3/24/15

Today sucked big time. I'm not in any mood to go into details but lets just say that everything that I thought would go wrong did and then some! I'm about to take a math placement test for DePaul, so wooooooohoooooooo kill me!

Goodnight.

Fuck everything I'm going to bed.

Low Moment Y'all

Ugggggggggh now I have to deal with the freaking Carmongeddon bullshit tomorrow on top of this dumbass project, my placement tests, prom dress bullshit, AP Bio test that I'm not prepared for at all crap, and a ton of other bbullshit that isn't coming to my head at the moment. This week is going to suck more than last week did. At least I had a light at the end of the tunnel last week, you  know? This week I have nothing. There's the state theater conference, but to be honest I don't really want to go since I'm the reason my school doesn't get to see Spring Awakening, I'm not performing in an individual event, and I'm stuck rooming with two girls I barely know and another girl I don't even like since all of my "friends" just HAD to room together. It would have been better if I just didn't sign up. They'd get to see their musical and they wouldn't have me weighing them down as a person who needs a room. Good god and I'm trying desperately to lose some weight, but that's looking highly unlikely, especially with my sister stuffing me with fast food in an attempt to "make me feel better." I feel fucking sick and I want to vomit. I'm not going to finish my project, and let it be known that I don't even care anymore. I can't take it right now, I can't take any of it. I just keep feeling worse and worse. 

I give up.

I hate everyone and everything indiscriminately at the moment.

Now I'm just really furious with everyone and everything. Andy's making me feel worse, my sister is trying to make me feel better by making me eat but when you feel fat that is the LAST thing you want to do, my mom isn't making things better, when I looked at the prom pictures from last year I only felt worse seeing how fucking fat I looked, and my dad thinks this is just some fucking hilarious joke. 

I haven't been able to stop crying somebody help me

I HATE MY MOTHER RIGHT NOW

We went back to the shop where I found my two dresses, and it was wonderful! We were about to buy the one that my mom thought was cheaper (because she's a goddamn cheapskate who doesn't care about my personal happiness) when we find out that the dress was actually DOUBLE the price that we though it was (it was almost $500!!!!!!). This made it an automatic "no" from my mom, even when I offered to pay for half or more of it. Now she wants me to wear the dress I wore last year that makes me look SOOOOO fat and pale and unattractive and I'm really really really really fucking upset right now. I feel unattractive and like a fatass and I still have so much fucking schoolwork to do I want to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugggggggggggh

There's absolutely no way that I'm going to finish this project in time. It sucks, but that's life I guess.

I just got back from taking my cat to the vet! It went really well and very smoothly. My allergies have been really messed up by the whole situation, though. I can't stop sneezing and sniffling all over the place, I just want to be able to breathe through my nose again!!!!!

Good Morning!!!!

I'm up bright and early to put in work on my poetry project before we take my cat to the vet and before we go back to the store to determine which dress I'll get for Prom. I only have one analysis written, total... Neddless to say, I need to get on it!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodnight!!!!

Ugggggggggggggggggh Poetry.....

I've hardly gotten anywhere with my poetry project tonight! I managed to copy and paste some citations in to create little "Works Cited" pages, but I still have to write 15 analyses of 15 different poems, so I'm still going to die!!!!! I hardly did anything today but shop, so I really need to get down to business in general!

Yesterday and Today

Oh my goodness I've been busy shopping all over the place!!!!!! Yesterday's Prom dress shopping was fairly fruitful; I've narrowed it down to two options (both of which are gorgeous and I'm happy in) and then the Theater Senior Night was also very lovely. Hello, Dolly was alright, nothing to really write home about. It was pretty cute though! 

Today I went to the mall with my sister and we shopped til we dropped! I bought my first crop top, got a nice flannel shirt, a swim cover up, all kinds of cosmetics between Sephora and Ulta, underwear, tank tops, and boots so overall it's been pretty good!!!! 

I'm beyond tired out right now and have absolutely no motivation to work on my English poetry project. In fact, I feel a little sick just thinking about it, but that could have been something I ate today; who knows.

Good Morning!!!!

Today is about to be incredibly busy; I'm about to get ready to go to the Lacrosse scrimmage I'm training at, then I'm rolling out to go Prom dress shopping with Abby and one of our friends who I hardly ever talk about but adore to pieces, Kaela, then I'm heading over to school to see the school musical (Hello, Dolly!) and I'll be getting honored for my "services on the stage) along with all the other theater seniors. I'm pretty excited about that! I'm definitely looking forward to it all, although I'm still pretty worried as to if I can finish my English work on time this weekend. We'll see!

Goodnight!

I FINISHED DRACULA YAY PROGRESS

Uggggggh Somebody Shoot Me

On top of all of those things, I have to worry about my massive English project, finish reading Dracula (I'm close, thank goodness), do a math worksheet, teach myself about the endocrine system and prepare for an AP Bio test on Tuesday, and I need to get my shit together with this upcoming Video Production project. I need to improve my grade there. I at least got some points back today, but I don't think that overall I'll be at a 4.0 this quarter (for the first time ever) unless my religion teacher puts in the bonus points from the extra assignment I did and my AP Bio teacher does the same for me. Like I'm really nervous, my grade could be made or broken. I have too much to do this next week; I'm screwed.

3/20/15

I got home from Lacrosse practice not too long ago. It was uneventful, but apparently there was a fistfight at last night's practice (that I missed, of course).Today had a lot of ups and downs. Obviously, there was the down of my co-editor-in-chief not being fired. I'm incredibly angry about that, but more on that later! First, the good bits.

I had a horrible headache when I woke up this morning, and while I didn't want to go to school, today was the last day of the quarter so I couldn't really miss it. I instead slept in and only missed my first three classes of the day. It was just what I needed!!!!! I stopped at Panera on the way to school and picked up a salad and a bagel for my lunch, and that was pretty nice. When I got to school, I found out that despite her medical emergency, almost dying, and spending the night in the hospital yesterday, my co-editor (ugggh I hate calling her that) was once again back at school. This came as a shock to me because she really shouldn't have been at school at all, what with her leg and ALMOST FUCKING DYING, you'd think she'd choose to stay home. But noooooooo! 

I sort of drifted through my other classes, dreading the storm that I thought was coming at the end of the day. She wasn't in class for Newspaper, so I knew something was up. So, I asked the Staff Adviser, and she informed me that the co-editor was to be given a choice: to resign right then and there (which she would never do) or to continue on a probationary status, still keeping her position of authority, where the next time she screws up she's out no questions asked. There's absolutely no way that this girl would quit anything, especially Newspaper. She sees it as her job (which it isn't, it's a fucking high school paper and she makes the experience that should be fun and relatively carefree fucking miserable), and she's had it ingrained in her that quitting is one of the worst things you can do ever. And it's just as likely that she won't change her ways AT ALL and will still be bullying and stomping over everyone and anyone who gets in her way. Well, she can't really storm out of class anymore since she can't even walk thanks to her knee surgery. She hasn't changed all the other times she said she would, so why the fuck would she change now?!

I'm really angry and I feel left out of the decision that was made to give her this option. She hurts the class as a whole; nobody wants to work with her. When she came back, I was the only person that even so much as ACKNOWLEDGED her presence let alone was moderately nice to her. People are afraid of her, they don't respect her, and she doesn't give them a lot of reasons to do so. I am infuriated by the fact that school administration and our adviser chose to hurt everybody else and stifle their chances of growing in that class instead of giving this spoiled, selfish girl the wake-up call that she needs desperately.  This is only going to bite them in the ass in the end. God, it makes me want to quit the paper myself. I am beyond sick of her bullshit and the bullshit being thrust upon us now. I can't really quit either though; I already am taking a study hall and can't take two, and then if I quit, everyone would be scrambling on staff because I serve as the voice of reason and as the leader that actually teaches them, advises them, and helps them in a kind, caring, fruitful way as opposed to a cold, dictatorial "boss" who sees them as dog shit.

This turned into a Carmongeddon rant really quickly, but can you blame me?! When I found out that they decided to go ahead and fire her, I had never felt happier this year. I felt relieved, like a major weight had been taken off of my chest. Now I just feel stabbed in the back.

Carmongeddon,=: the Finale?

I'm high-key furious right now. She isn't getting fired. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.      

I'm heading home now, I'm probably going to sleep early tonight!

Ugggggggggh

I've opted not to go to the lacrosse practice- I need a nap!!!!!

3/19/15- I SURVIVED!!!

Today, while I dreaded it severely last night, wasn't nearly as awful as I had expected it to be. However, it was INCREDIBLY eventful!

First thing in the morning, my fellow "editor" hobbled into the room on her crutches. She was clearly incredibly exhausted just from that effort; I had no clue as to how she was going to survive the day. Our staff adviser was at a meeting/appointment at the time, sooooooo basically she still doesn't know that she's been fired yet. It was incredibly awkward; I felt like I was going to vomit!!!!! Everybody else felt uncomfortable as well; I'm the only person who ventured to talk to her. At the end of the period though, all hell broke loose. She turned deathly pale, and started freaking out- she had lost her vision. She was rushed to the ER, and from last I heard they think that a blood clot may be the cause of things. Regardless, she should not have returned to school so early, and this will be further prolonging the time for her to fully return and to be fired... 

I kinda feel bad for her since she's getting all this awful stuff piled upon her at once, but the firing issue has been a long time coming.

Today I didn't get to sit by Jack during Mass, but I still looked cute and I managed to sleep adorably nonetheless! I also managed to successfully finish my trailer, and it's VERY much improved. There are still a few small things that I want to tweak tomorrow, but if I don't it won't be the end of the world. My partner and I also decided to go our separate ways for our next project (a music video) and we're both pretty pleased with that!

Ugggggggh Goodnight....

Tomorrow isn't even a late start like screw tomorrow ugh. The only thing that'll make it any better is if I look hella cute and sit by my friend Jack at Mass. We always falls asleep and its hilarious. Anywho, wish me luck tomorrow!

Yup, MORE CARMONGEDDON!

On my way to Improv tonight, she texted me and informed me that she's coming back TOMORROW. YUP. EVEN THOUGH SHE CAN'T WALK SHE IS COMING TO SCHOOL AND IS GOING TO RAIN HELLFIRE UPON ALL OF US IT WAS NICE KNOWING ALL OF YOU

Uggggggggggh more Carmongeddon?

Seriously?! Apparently she's returning to school earlier than expected- she plans on coming back to school tomorrow.... We weren't expecting her until next week because SHE CAN'T EVEN WALK RIGHT NOW LIKE HOW IS SHE PLANNING ON GOING TO AND SURVIVING SCHOOL?! It's absolute lunacy!!!!!! Once I heard from her best friend that she's planning on returning, I immediately told the Dean of Students who I spoke with on Monday what was happening and then shot a text to the Adviser so they can prepare in case she actually does make an attempt to return to classes. Especially with Newspaper being the first class of the day... 

I hope she doesn't come back tomorrow, because this week has been pretty awesome and I don't want her to ruin it for me. 

Wednesdays are far too busy for me, I can hardly take it!

3/18/15

Today wasn't too shabby! Nothing particularly special happened, but I know that Dylan and Abby are apparently going to Prom together. I don't mind it at all, I just wish that they had told me what they did to ask and the sweet things like that! I know I'll be in a group with them, so that's what matters in the end! I don't really know much about what I'm doing for Prom this year. In terms of a dress and a date. Like I'm going dress shopping with Abby this weekend, so that'll be taken care of soon enough! As for the date, it's a bit more complicated. I wouldn't make Andy come down because I know he'd be miserable and I'd be miserable trying to make him enjoy himself in an environment where he's far from comfortable. I don't really think anyone is going to ask me, although I'd really love it if my friend Jack or Tony did. I'd have a ton of fun with Tony, but I also really enjoy Jack as a person; he's super funny and I always want to get to know him better. Sometimes it just seems like he would prefer to avoid me though, so I'm a bit uncertain about that. The only other people who would probably ask me are creepy guys or guys who I barely know. If I'm in doubt, I'll maybe ask my friend Andrew to come or one of my friends from Newspaper. I'm kinda nervous about that whole thing, I guess. I don't really know why anyone would think of me when it comes to this stuff. Uggggh self-esteem is currently shriveling up, I better throw myself into work, training, improv, more work, and then exercising tonight if I'm ever going to ride it out...

Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/17/15

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!!!!!! My day today was solid; I was pretty productive. Since I was running around all over the place, I'm extremely tired right now. There's no way I'd ever be able to get any more homework done/work ahead on stuff. I ran back and forth between school and my grandparents' house due to a lacrosse scrimmage and my sister needing a ride home, plus I drove this morning and on the way home for the night! I also took a lengthy, scenic walk around my school's campus. It was pretty nice. There's this gigantic hill that my school sits on top of, and the football field/track/other sports fields are all at the bottom across a bridge through a wooded area. It's very pretty, especially when the sun is shining on beautiful days like today. It was fairly chilly though, and going up the hill was murderous on my thighs!!!! I need the workout though. I may just take another walk tomorrow before the practice, we'll see. I also managed to lay out a page for the paper in less than an hour, so I'm super proud of myself! That's 1/16th of the issue, and it frees me up to help other people with their pages too! So overall that was very productive.

I've basically been dead since I got home, so I'm getting to bed earlier tonight. At least, that's the plan!

Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blehhhhh I really should exercise before I go to bed but I'm honestly so so sooooo tired and I don't even want to finish my homework! Ugggggggggggghhhhh send me strength, readers...

Lacrosse Practice

Practice today wasn't too shabby! The breeze combined with the occasional sprinkle of rain made things a little rough, but that's survivable! A boy was injured though. He rolled his ankle, but not too severely. We only had to really worry about icing it and making sure that it gets taken care of. Tomorrow we are going to put him in an ice bath again and then tape him up before their scrimmage.

I really like athletic training; I'm pretty good at it, and I really do enjoy helping people. I've never really had a bad year with it. Even when I worked with the Girls Lacrosse team that never really needed me that often, I was never bored or stuck with nothing to do. There's always somebody that needs help, and through training I get to meet and get somewhat close to people who I ordinarily would not give a second glance in the hallway. 

WOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm heading to Lacrosse now and the sun came back, so needless to say, I'm a  VERY happy camper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love days like today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The rest of today was pretty solid as well! I managed to get all my stuff turned in and I don't have too much work to do tonight, so I'm thankful for that! My ass was also saved in Video Production thanks to a deadline extension and footage from a project made two years ago! Plus, the weather was FANTASTIC so when I go to Lacrosse practice later, it'll be pretty pleasant!

3/16/15, or Carmongeddon 2: Electric Boogaloo- the Happy Ending

SHE IS GETTING FIRED THIS IS A GREAT GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not for her, but for everybody else. When I found out, I was so happy I could have cried! She won't find out until she returns to school sometime next week, so there'll be some awful final explosion from her, and she'll probably attack me, but honestly that is worth it in order for her to stop terrorizing the class this year. Everything that I've experienced from her hands will be worth it once she is gone. 

Goodnight!!!!

I'M *basically* FINISHED

THERE WERE LIKE FOUR MATH PROBLEMS THAT I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO DO BUT OTHER THAN THAT I AM ALL DONE WITH MY HOMEWORK LIKE GO ME I AM SO SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M ABOUT TO EXERCISE AND PACK A GOOD LUNCH AND WORK AHEAD ON SOME STUFF LIKE YAAASSSSS EMILY YASSSSSS GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY ESSAY IS FINISHED BEFORE 9:00 I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Go Time...

I've done my reading, I've contributed even more to my essay, and I did my small list of outside chores for the night. All I need to do is finish this essay and haul ass on my AP Stats, then I'm officially caught up on all of my schoolwork. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm miraculously surviving, guys! I'm halfway through my AP Stats homework, I'm on my second body paragraph in my AP English Romanticism essay, I finished my second AP Bio lab assignment, and I'm about to do the Dracula reading that I need to have finished so I'd say I've made it to about the halfway point with my homework! Once I finish everything due tomorrow, I need to make sure that I exercise before working ahead on my extra credit for Religion and my next major assignment for AP English.

I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing. I'm dying, oh my goodness if I don't make it out of this alive tell my pets that I love them and that my sister can have my room and my money.

PROGRESS!!!!

I finished my lab report, and my goal before lunch is to get an outline of my paper on Romanticism done! I think I can handle that easily enough. After I finish the paper, I'm going to catch up my math homework, take an exercise break, then do my remaining math homework. The quarter ends this week and my grades are the worst that they've ever been EVER. I need to do well on this essay, and I need all the points I can get in all of my classes, especially with my sinking grades in Video Production and AP Bio.

Happy Sunday!(?)

I'm about to be doing schoolwork for the majority of the day! I'm not exactly happy about that, but I mean I did dig myself into this hole so it's my own damn fault. 

Goodnight!

I'm almost done with my lab report, thank goodness! I still have to write a paper tomorrow and then finish all my math that I STILL haven't done since last Monday as well as reading more of Dracula. I think I'll make it just fine, though. My mom really wants me to work on another scholarship tomorrow as well, so I'll just have to see how far I get. I'm pretty nervous about my .grades since the quarter ends at the end of the week

I got some work done on my Advocacy project, so yay for that!

3/14/15

Today was fairly uneventful! I mean I was woken up after noon, so it's not like I could've done all that much. I did get some work done on my AP Bio lab report and in reading Dracula. I went to mass with my sister tonight, then afterwards we went to Panera for dinner. She then went to Kent State University to meet her friend at the Spanish Film Festival. I started going home, but I wound up taking a detour at a park to scout out a location for a video production video. It was a pretty lovely spot, but my shoes got soaked through thanks to all the melted snow/rain from yesterday. There are tons of flooded fields in the area around me thanks to all the snow, and I always enjoy seeing that and knowing that Spring is coming! After that, I went towards home, bought gas and got a Chai latte at Starbucks. I finally deposited all the checks from my birthday, so now I'm not nearly as poor as I was earlier today! Now, I'm just relaxing/working on homework.

Yesterday

Yesterday was the perfect way to end this awful week! Despite having to wake up at 5:15 in the morning and having to stand in the cold rain for two hours, it was practically perfect in every way!

The summit on human trafficking was incredibly interesting. I did have to sit through a mass and through stations of the cross, but everything else was really educational, informative, and powerful. There were about 20 different presentations that we were all able to go to, but each of us was assigned a random one to attend. My first presentation was put on by a group that works to find missing, homeless, or at-risk teens and get them off the streets, as they are incredibly susceptible to being trafficked. My second session was about Fair Trade, and it was also pretty informative. Two girls in the group that came with me got to listen to Michelle Knight, one of the three women kidnapped and held captive by Ariel Castro for ten years, tell her story and speak of her experiences. After the keynote address, we went back to school (but not without stopping to get a snack!).

After getting back, I went down to the field as there was to be a lacrosse scrimmage. The weather was awful, but the team won and I'm really getting along well with my other trainer!

After that, I went to hang out with Andy. We ate mac and cheese, cuddled, and I got him hooked on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. So overall, it was a perfect day!

Happy Pi Day y'all!

Goodnight, and thank goodness for field trips!

It's kinda funny how there's an increase of readership whenever something dramatic starts to go down in my life, especially in terms of Carmongeddon!

CARMONGEDDON: The Saga Continues

Things did not improve today! She spent a major portion of the day talking to the dean of students today, and even though he advised her not to come to class today and to cool down and relax, she disregarded his suggestion (typical of her) and came to class anyways. She delivered an incredibly insincere apology that was more of an attempt to make everyone else feel bad than a genuine apology. When other people gave their sides of the story, she reacted horribly, stormed out in tears again, and accused me of "attacking" her since I gave her some constructive criticism (and not in a demeaning way). 

I emailed the dean of students, and I'm going to talk to him about how this situation can be remedied on Monday since I'm on a field trip tomorrow.

3/12/15

Today was pretty rough. I definitely bombed my AP Biology test from earlier this week. I got the worst grade in the class so far, it's casual! There was even more Newspaper drama, which I will detail in a lovely, lengthy post. I've basically had a headache ever since. The only bright spots in the day were being cheered up by my friend Jack and going to Panera to eat a warm cookie and mac and cheese which I really regret because uggggghhhhh Spring Break is so close and I'm nowhere close to being bikini ready and uggggggggggh my body is bleh but it's too late at this point!

Goodnight!!!

Needless to say, I'm pretty excited to see what tomorrow will bring!

Another night has flown by and I haven't really done anything with my massive workload!




Go me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugggggggggh

1. I still haven't really done any of my homework, so goooooo Emily!
2. I now have to worry about an extensive math placement test for DePaul, so I'm SUPER PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!
3. Oh god, so much work... so, so much work...

3/11/15: AKA Carmongeddon 2: Electric Boogaloo

Other than newspaper, today was fairly uneventful but altogether pretty pleasant! 

For those of you who have been reading this blog for quite some time, you are familiar with the never-ending drama surrounding my school newspaper staff, of which I am the co-head. My fellow Editor-in-Chief is an incredibly Type A, controlling, harsh, dictatorial leader, and frankly nobody likes her as a leader. Most people don't like her as a person either, for that matter. I try to see the best in her and to be considerate of the circumstances she is often in, but no matter how much I try to see the good in her, she acts selfishly, self-centered, and hurts anyone who appears to be standing in her way through bullying via yelling and berating, passive-aggressive exchanges, and other things along that ilk. She sees herself, because of her position as co-EIC (although she always forgets the "co" part), as being above everybody else on the staff and as the end-all be-all of our newspaper. Despite this, she never actually steps up to the plate herself and blames everyone and anyone around her for her own shortcomings. 

With almost every other issue, there is drama concerning her as she typically starts it. Frequently, she freaks out, cries angrily and storms around, and proclaims that she "is DONE!" with us. Anything can lead to it. Whether it's infighting with members of the staff who work on the page design whose talent she feels "threatened" by, feeling as though she is powerless/no longer in control of the paper, and other things along that vein. Today's meltdown was among the latter reasons for lashing out.

Since she had (without heeding my advice whatsoever or listening to my protests) assigned work and stories that went outside of others' strengths and the like, people were not pleased at all with her. So, some of the juniors proposed that we publish a longer issue in order to make things work out so that people could work on what would do best for them and what could easily make the issue much better. The staff adviser approved of it, and so did I. Since everyone is so intimidated by her, they were all too nervous to ask her what she thought and just laid out an experimental 16-page issue. This INFURIATED her as she had "lost control" over things, and she started doing whatever she could whilst still sulking in the corner on her laptop like asking passive-aggressive questions to our adviser about their abilities and tried to make things awkward for them, but they persevered in their quest. I was quite proud of them for their teamwork and impressive initiative! She, however, only got angrier and angrier, until she finally rose from where she was and started flipping out on the juniors. Things kept escalating, culminating in her yelling "I AM THE EDITOR!!!!!!" (notice how she forgot that I'm the editor too?) and stated to cry angry tears. Our adviser, trying to diffuse the situation, asked everybody to circle up so we could talk our way through the situation. THE editor, however, refused, grabbing her things, stormed off, yelling "YOU NEVER SUPPORT MY WISHES!!!! I AM THE EDITOR!!!!!!" And needless to say she's in a deep pit of trouble.

I don't want her on the staff anymore. 

GOODNIGHT

I WATCHED THE ENTIRE SERIES IN ONE NIGHT OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS THE BEST MISTAKE I'VE MADE IN AGES.

WATCH THE UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT RIGHT NOW AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT OH MY GOD I'M HOOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/10/15

Today wasn't too shabby! School was a bunch of the same old, same old. The lacrosse scrimmage I was supposed to work at as a trainer today was postponed, but they had a practice instead that I went to. Other than that, not a lot happened today. In Newspaper, however, I was getting very annoyed with my co-editor. We were working on planning out the next issue, and she didn't really let me have any input whatsoever. She kept giving people assignments that others had come up with and wanted to do, had people doing things that they are not strong at, and took the paper's best designer off of design duty. It's just really annoying when she gets controlling like that, because she sees herself as the end-all, be-all authority and refuses to listen to anybody's concerns or input.

Goodnight!

Yay!!!!

Hey guys I actually managed to *basically* finish one of my math assignments in a matter of minutes so yay for that! I'm saving the rest of it for study hall tomorrow. I need to make sure I catch myself up! I have to start training for Boys Lacrosse this week, and there's a scrimmage tomorrow so my time is going to be spread pretty thin. On the bright side, I survived the night. Now, I need to make sure I survive the week!!!!! 

I'm also going to try to do a small amount of exercise before I get to bed, I need this pretty badly. I'll be in Aruba in less than a month.....

Oops....

That awkward moment where you go on tumblr for an hour and a half instead of reading Dracula like you told yourself you would do......





Yup, I'm awful.

I'm (sort of) in the home stretch now! I now only have to do the reading for English and my Stats homework, woooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm still dying guys!!!!!!

Hi my name is Emily and I'm dying slowly.

Uggggh (SOS)

I somehow finished the stupid scholarship essay before 8:00, but I still have a ridiculous amount of homework left to do. I still have to tear apart a poem, watch a video, start a paper, and read at least 20 pages of Dracula for English, I have three AP Stats problems as well as a multiple choice worksheet, an AP Bio lab report to work on, religion homework, and I have to somehow get my shit together for this video in Video Production. I'm screwed on so so so so so many different levels this week, and I just want to drop out of school forever. I only go at this point to see the people who matter to me. Everything else is completely pointless and I hate it.

I honestly want to cry.

3/9/15

Uggggggh today was pretty rough. It wasn't that terrible overall, like I looked really good today and I had some fun moments with friends, but I was brutally murdered by my AP Bio test and I'm being injured further by excessive work this week on top of a stupid scholarship application due tomorrow that my mom is making me do and I want to hurl myself off of a cliff because I AM DYING!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm developing an ulcer and I don't want to eat or do any school work. 

Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!

Happy International Women's Day!!!!!!!

Keep in mind all them women who have influenced your life and have shaped the world around you in some way- whether they be your idols, your mother, sister(s), aunt(s), girl friends, or significant other(s), women have shaped your life in more ways than you can imagine, regardless of your gender.

My brain has been turned to MUSH

I have quite the brain-ache from attempting to understand cellular respiration, fermentation, and cellular communication so needless to say I want to hurl myself off a cliff and also online window-shop/pin things to Pinterest until I fall asleep. I'm going to try to do some small exercise things before I go to sleep since MY ENTIRE DAY WAS CONSUMED BY SCHOOLWORK and I couldn't work out at all.

I am dead.

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggh school why do you do this to me almost every single Sunday? I've been so good, why do I always get stuck spending my entire Sunday on stupid work and still never end up being anywhere close to finished?! It's annoying as can be...

Okay, I've done some AP Stats homework (but not even close to half of it, I guess it is what it is for now!), and now I'm going to take some time to work on an AP Bio practice test so I can get a better idea of what's coming my way. I'm probably still going to die, but that's just the risk you take when taking AP/IB/Honors/Accelerated courses!

On the bright side, I had veal parmesan and spaghetti for dinner, so I'm ready for battle! 

Ugggggggh

My head is killing me and I think I'm pretty close to death. I'm slowly being murdered by my AP Bio test studying, and I haven't even gotten to my AP Stats homework yet or found some of the things I need for my other classes... 

Way to go, Emily!!!!!

Good Morning!!!!

Oh my goodness I have a whole lot of work to do today! I need to catch up on all my homework, find a binder for an assignment, study, exercise, and more... I have my work cut out for me today, essentially.

I'M HOOOOOOOME!!!!

I had a pretty good time in Chicago! We took a lot of side roads on the way out of Ohio which was pretty interesting. My favorite piece of small-town Americana that I witnessed was a pawn shop sign that said "SELLING OLD JEW" because the "ELRY" portion of the sign fell off. Thursday night we got into Chicago pretty close to midnight, so I was incredibly tired. I managed to survive my dad's snoring throughout the whole trip by packing headphones and sleeping with music on!

Friday morning we got up fairly early and took the El to the Michigan Avenue area to get breakfast at a restaurant called Wildberry. It was FANTASTIC!!!! They specialize in fancy shmancy pancakes and have pancakes like Oreo pancakes, Tirimasu pancakes, and more available! I had a cinnamon roll pancake and it was possibly the best breakfast that I had ever eaten! After Wildberry, we split up and left my sister to shop around while my mom, dad, and I took another train to DePaul's Loop campus for the College of Computing and Digital Media event. The event itself was ehhh, but I did get to meet my roommate for next year, Tori, and she was pretty nice! She had a really good sense of humor, and I think we'll have fun together. I also met one of the people from the Facebook group who is actually someone that I would love to be friends with, Mykala, and she was also incredibly nice and a lot of fun based off the time I got to spend with her. After the first academic information session, my mom left my dad and I to meet up with my sister so they could tour Loyola. After about an hour, my dad and I decided to head back to the hotel and then napped the afternoon away. It was pretty nice, honestly! 

This morning, we went to our favorite little breakfast place by DePaul, Jam n' Honey, and I had eggs Benedict which was as lovely as ever! Then, we took a (not really impactful but not that bad of an experience) tour of the Lincoln Park campus since my dad hasn't seen it yet. After that, we trucked our way home and I've unpacked and started relaxing ever since I returned!

Woo!!!

I'm going to be in Chicago visiting DePaul and won't be home until sometime late Saturday night, so I won't be posting for the next few days! I'll have some stories and perhaps pictures from the trip when I get back, though! Ahhhhh I'm excited!!!!!

I had a really long treadmill session so I'm totally beat now! I'm going to try to work out some more after dinner tonight.

There's nothing quite like having the day off! I'm definitely going to be working out today, as well as getting ahead on homework and working on my mom's list of chores for me. I'm going to get my hair trimmed later, as well! I'm not sure what else I'm going to do today as of yet

Good Morning!!!!!

Goodnight for now!!!!

Thank goodness for school off tomorrow!

"Power" by Audre Lorde

The difference between poetry and rhetoric

is being ready to kill

yourself

instead of your children.

I am trapped on a desert of raw gunshot wounds

and a dead child dragging his shattered black

face off the edge of my sleep

blood from his punctured cheeks and shoulders

is the only liquid for miles

and my stomach

churns at the imagined taste while

my mouth splits into dry lips

without loyalty or reason

thirsting for the wetness of his blood

as it sinks into the whiteness

of the desert where I am lost

without imagery or magic

trying to make power out of hatred and destruction

trying to heal my dying son with kisses

only the sun will bleach his bones quicker.

A policeman who shot down a ten year old in Queens

stood over the boy with his cop shoes in childish blood

and a voice said “Die you little motherfucker” and

there are tapes to prove it. At his trial

this policeman said in his own defense

“I didn't notice the size nor nothing else

only the color”. And

there are tapes to prove that, too.

Today that 37 year old white man

with 13 years of police forcing

was set free

by eleven white men who said they were satisfied

justice had been done

and one Black Woman who said

“They convinced me” meaning

they had dragged her 4'10'' black Woman's frame

over the hot coals

of four centuries of white male approval

until she let go

the first real power she ever had

and lined her own womb with cement

to make a graveyard for our children.

I have not been able to touch the destruction

within me.

But unless I learn to use

the difference between poetry and rhetoric

my power too will run corrupt as poisonous mold

or lie limp and useless as an unconnected wire

and one day I will take my teenaged plug

and connect it to the nearest socket

raping an 85 year old white woman

who is somebody's mother

and as I beat her senseless and set a torch to her bed

a greek chorus will be singing in 3/4 time

“Poor thing. She never hurt a soul. What beasts they are.”

"Cinderella" by Sylvia Plath

The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,

Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan

Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels

Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall

Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;

Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall

Reflecting in a million flagons’ shine.

And glided couples all in a whirling trance

Follow holiday revel begun long since,

Until near twelve the strange girl all at once

Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk

She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

Poetry Project

I just worked on a part of my Poetry Exit Analysis Essay and I'm kinda jazzed about it! Well, about the poetry and the poets, NOT the workload. My topic is "Women," and while I'm not sure exactly what my teacher is hoping to see from this project, I love the work of the poets whom I selected: Sylvia Plath, Audre Lorde, and Dorothy Parker. So I'm going to do what I can to make sure I get everything together and presented well. 

I think the direction I want to go into is exploring each poets' definition of what it means to be "woman" and reflections on womanhood. It's not like I can just make some simple thesis like I could have with some of the other topics like Nature, War, and Politics. Basically, I want to make sure that my work is of a high caliber so that I can impress myself most of all with my achievements! 

I may periodically post my favorite poems from the evening on here, so be ready for some poetry!

On the bright side, I'm currently making bank on InboxDollars.com! If you haven't seen my banner or are interested in signing up yourself, HERE is the link to get signed up. It's honestly very easy to use, and is definitely helping me make some money outside of work and school, which I definitely need.

Ugggggggggggh (AGAIN)

This afternoon was pretty rough. I had to go to a meeting about States for theater and I essentially got screwed left and right. First, I was shafted in terms of rooming since my "friends" banded up and didn't let me room with them, so I'm stuck rooming with three girls that I barely know/am not close to at all. Like two of the girls are very nice and I don't mind being stuck with them, but the third girl is very annoying. I just feel kinda alone and excluded in that situation. The second way I was screwed in this meeting was by people not offering to help/making excuses for why they can't help me with my video production video even though we have school off tomorrow... I'm really really screwed for that video and I don't really know what to do there. If I can't get actors, I'm screwed screwed screwed and am going to be stuck with another awful, embarrassing to watch video that I essentially worked on by myself. The whole situation is very frustrating and I just want to give up everything. 

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh

I hardly have anything to do but I'm so so sooooooooo tired and I just want to take a nap more than anything. Literally from the moment I woke up I felt like I've been dying and I just want to crawl back in bed....

Last Night

My sister needed to use my laptop last night for studying, so I didn't really get to blog much last night. I did keep myself fairly busy though!

I mean, an hour and a half long nap isn't necessarily productive, but I could have done worse! After dinner, I watched an episode of Gangland while walking on the treadmill, and got about twenty minutes into the award-winning documentary The Act of Killing when my mom kicked me off so she could work out. Overall, it was a super productive workout!

After that, I helped my sister study for her Spanish test then went to bed.

3/2/15

Today was a solid day! Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, but on the bright side I:

1. Didn't completely bomb my AP Stats test like I had expected to! I actually thought it was incredibly easy, so that was really really wonderful.
2. I don't have any homework to do tonight, so I can work out and stuff! (Which is amazing because I was a horrible eater today....)

I'm a little bit concerned about Video Production, though. My group (as in one other girl and I) has really limited resources and manpower. And half the time she isn't there and she's the one with the camera! Our schedules are both very different, so typically she has to do all the filming. However, she always does it with the wrong angle or doesn't follow the storyboards so we don't get the footage we need. Like our last project was one of the worst grades I've ever gotten in that class because there was hardly any footage involved with it because she didn't film half the things we outlined in our storyboard. My grade in that class is starting to suffer because of it, and it annoys me a lot.

I end up doing all the work editing, writing the scripts, doing the storyboards, and so on which is also annoying since I'm putting in all this effort for a meh product. Like I really love this girl as a person, but as a creative partner, not at all. Now, I'm going to have to find an entire cast for our next video because there's no way that we can pull off a fantasy-noir film with just the two of us. And what's worse is we don't have any time to film outside of school this week and it's obnoxious....

Goodnight!!!!

Pet Peeve: Elitist Attitudes

Okay, so there aren't many things that make my skin crawl, but I absolutely despise when people walk around believing themselves to be better than everybody else in the room because they're taking an advanced course/received a scholarship/got some fancy award or title/are doing something cool in their spare time. I don't have any problem with people doing those things and getting those achievements and opportunities, however when people nonchalantly brag about it or look down on those who don't meet the same/similar standards that they have managed to set for themselves. 

I see this constantly on the DePaul Facebook page. As excited as I am to meet many of these people and to establish new ties and create lasting friendships, I HATE seeing people bragging about getting a scholarship or an interview or doing the honors program or whatever. I'm envious, obviously, but the fact that they flaunt their successes in the face of hundred's of others' failures disgusts me. Like I just read through a comment thread on a post asking "who all is doing the Honors Program next year LOL?" and uggggggggggggggggggggh people!!!!!

Sample comments included people comparing ACT/SAT test scores, passive-aggressive comments insulting the book choices of their fellow students while presenting him or herself as the paragon of literary taste, commenting on housing and their desire to "stay away from all the rowdiness outside of the Honors floor," etc. 

Like come ON, you shouldn't have to compare your test scores like dick sizes to try to see who's the biggest. 

My dad was incredibly set on me joining the Honors Program at DePaul, but this would in no way be the best choice for me because:

1. None of the classes in the Honors curriculum pertain to my career goals or involved skills that I've already learned/have mastery of.
2. If I did the Honors college, I would not be able to use the credits I've earned from my AP exams to get me out of my GenEd courses, which would slow down my career path.
3. There's no way I'd want to sit in a room with those people and attempt to hold a discussion, since they're so obviously full of themselves.

Thankfully, my mother was the voice of reason in this issue and was able to get my dad to lay off.

Another hazardous thing of this sort of attitude is a heightened ability to not emphasize with others. When you think you're better than everybody else, what's the point in even bothering to help other people when they need it? 

It's hard to put the feeling into words, but overall it annoys/angers me a lot.

My nostrils are going insaaaaaane I hate my allergies!!!!!

Ugggggggggggh my allergies are destroying me....

Oh dear...

So I definitely have an AP Stats quiz tomorrow, and I am not at all ready for it... Literally I am so so sooooo screwed. I don't understand what we're doing at all and that makes me incredibly nervous. I was just starting to do pretty well in that class, too! I just don't know what I'm doing anymore... I think I'll go in early tomorrow morning to try to go over some of the things that perplex me in this chapter, and hopefully that'll help out some. I really don't want my grades to drop again.

Last Night/Today

I've been gone for over 24 hours, oh my goodness! I've been plenty busy though, and overall it's been a ton of fun!

Last night was every bit as fun as I imagined! Dylan and I went and got Italian food for dinner, and overall the meal was fantastic! I had this pasta dish with fettuccine pasta, chicken, spinach, and light Alfredo sauce, and Dylan got this fantastic tilapia dish with roasted vegetables! After that, we drove over to school for the dance.

There weren't nearly as many people at Winter Formal as there typically are at Homecoming, but there were still many more people than usual there. Y'all remember how worried I was about the whole "homecoming queen and my ex-boyfriend going together" thing? Weeeeelll it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought! Not to sound too braggy, but she has nothing on me. She was pretty, but not quite as pretty as me. She was very nice, but she didn't have nearly as much of a personality as I did. She hardly danced, she barely looked at my ex, and overall seemed kinda "stiff" for lack of a better word. I wish them the best, but now it doesn't seem like NEARLY as much of an upgrade as I thought it was.

Overall, I had a fabulous time with my friends and it was pretty wonderful! We had cotton candy and took some fantastic photo booth pictures and danced like crazy even though we can't dance for shit. It's all about having fun though, so what does it matter how adept a dancer anyone is?

After the dance, I went with Dylan and Abby to Steak & Shake. I had my usual Royale steakburger and tried a new milkshake that has quickly become my new favorite- Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Our other "fam" member Tony came in by coincidence and ate with us as well! Tony is hardly ever able to hang out with all of us at once, so it was really wonderful to have the whole gang together. 

After Steak & Shake, I dropped Dylan off and drove to Abby's house to spend the night. I watched Clueless with her and her older sister before we all went to bed. Her mom was somewhere else for the night, and I had no idea! Abby has a ton of adorable animals at her house, which while enjoyable, made my allergies miserable and kinda messed up my sleep schedule. Her two cats insisted upon sleeping with me, and I was frequently woken up by the kitties! At one point, I woke up and one was on my face and the other was on my chest! Ever since, I've been sniffling and sneezing up a storm.

In the morning, Abby made pancakes which were DELICIOUS and she, her sister, and I worked on shoveling their driveway/brushing off the snow on my car so that we could make a run to Target to pick up hair dye. When we returned from Target, we dyed Abby's hair dark brown (kinda like mine) in their kitchen. Then, Abby's mom and her boyfriend brought home Panera for us for brunch, and I had a fantastic Asiago Cheese bagel! After that, I drove home.

I've basically been doing homework/chores since I got home, it's been pretty relaxed. Overall, this weekend has been fantastic and I would relive it again and again if I could!