I'm just trying to sort out a lot of bleh feelings within myself. Most of it involves my family. I love them, but I'm the black sheep of the bunch and we all know it. And I know that my mother loves my sister more than me (and I don't blame her, my sister tells her everything and is easily her best friend). Not being the favorite doesn't really bother me much, just the differences in punishments that happen between us. Like if this whole grounding thing happened to my sister, it never would have gotten to this level and my mom would never have chewed her out and yelled at her and berated and insulted her as much as she did with me. It's just a lot of emotional trash on my plate and I don't know what to do with it exactly. I've never really been comfortable talking to my parents about feelings and stuff. I've been pretty self-sufficient ever since I've been driving, and even before then I've never been one to talk. At my core I'm pretty introverted; I just learned that people tended to like me more if I acted extroverted in social settings, and that's never been something that made it easy for me to let people, especially the people closest to me, in. I can't do much, so I feel really powerless and lost.

12/4 and 12/5/14

Both days were pretty awful and I'm starting to get really sick and kinda depressive and just uggggggggh I can't do anything right and I have no words for anything right now. I just kinda hate everything but most of all myself.