In better news....

Earlier this morning I sent in a submission to DePaul's comedy magazine, Detour, and they've already gotten back to me! I now have to answer some questions and then write up two articles based on the pitches I sent in for my submission. For our submission, we had to create 10 headlines that could be on "The Onion" and some feature ideas. These were my headlines:

1. 8-year-old girl gets "pretty full of herself" after beating leukemia
2. Young man goes vegan for two hours after watching documentary on food industry
3. New Thai-Fusion restaurant just "eh" according to local hipster
4. Socially inept man responds "you too" when wished a happy birthday
5. New dating app includes feature that identifies which matches are most likely serial killers
6. Woman disappointed after hiring handyman from Craigslist, expected to "at least be kidnapped or something"
7. No one surprised when ghost-hunting reality show revealed as a fraud
8. Local man decides he looks cool wearing sunglasses at night
9. 30 things better than your Buzzfeed list
10. Newly orphaned child consoled by that fact that he's only a few billion dollars away from being Batman

My feature ideas weren't as good, but my best one was for a column: "Rachel Dolezal has inspired my transition into a Native American woman"

Hopefully something good comes from this! I'd really love it.

Charleston Massacre

I cannot believe that this has happened. And I can't believe that so many media outlets refuse to portray it as it truly is. 

For those who haven't heard, there was a mass murder in a Baptist church in Charleston, South Carolina. Nine people were killed! One victim was the Church's pastor and a State Senator. The deaths happened a few days ago, but today the suspect was apprehended. The shooter was a 21-year-old white boy.

The fact that this atrocity has happened, especially in such a safe place like a church prayer meeting, is absolutely sickening and mind-boggling. What's even worse is the fact that the media has not recognized this massacre as a hate crime and an act of terrorism. The suspect had, for a long time, had the confederate flag painted on his car and has displayed several instances of racism in his behavior. He shot these people because they were black. There is no other reason.

However, as is typical whenever a white man commits mass murder, the media portrays him as some sort of lost puppy with "mental issues." Literally some of the headlines I've seen have been absolutely disgusting:

• Dylann Storm Roof is described as "quiet and soft-spoken"
• Many of Dylann Storm Roof's Facebook friends, including those from his high school, are Black

LIKE WHY MUST THE MEDIA TRY TO PAINT HIM LIKE SOME LOST LITTLE LAMB?! ALSO, HAVING "FRIENDS" (C'MON FACEBOOK FRIENDS ARE REALLY FUCKING MEANINGLESS) FROM OTHER RACES DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON LESS OF A RACIST JESUS I HAVE A HEADACHE!