Today I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to pack and do last minute chores for my mom! I haven't had a single second to myself, which is ehhh, but at least I'm being productive. Today was my sister's last day of school as well, so now I won't be the only person doing chores all summer!
On the bright side, I have been eating pretty great today. I had more fruit today than I've had in the past three months! I'm not even kidding, I'm that terrible with my regular diet. I don't think I'll have time for a workout, but maybe if I get home early enough I will!
Friday, May 29, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
5/28/15
Even though I was fairly productive today, I still feel like there's more I could do/could have done. Like I could definitely work out a little more, and I think I will closer to when I go to bed. Like I was insanely productive in walking my dog, doing dishes and other chores multiple times, helping my grandma out, converting a bunch of my old tee shirts into tank tops, and so on, but I didn't clean my room at all or anything of that sort.
I think I'm just going to have a low-key night though and go through my list of things I want to get for my dorm next year. I should probably check with my roommate to see if she's cool with us just doing our own things in terms of decor. Like I know that a lot of girls plan out a dorm that is incredibly coordinated and everything matches and stuff, but that isn't really me. I have a lot of cool things that I want to take with me, soooo she hopefully will like that!
I think I'm just going to have a low-key night though and go through my list of things I want to get for my dorm next year. I should probably check with my roommate to see if she's cool with us just doing our own things in terms of decor. Like I know that a lot of girls plan out a dorm that is incredibly coordinated and everything matches and stuff, but that isn't really me. I have a lot of cool things that I want to take with me, soooo she hopefully will like that!
Summer So Far
I've been out of school for a week and a half, and I'm slowly but surely getting into a routine of sorts! Mostly I've been running errands, but really I haven't been very productive so I want to work on that. Yesterday I went to the gym for a bit, gave myself a mani-pedi, and taught my grandma how to text. Today, I'm trying to be even more productive. I've already walked my dog and did some chores and errands for my mother, and while I'm recuperating from my walk I'm going to keep applying for jobs online, turn some old tee shirts into cutoffs, and straighten up my room. I might even work on a scholarship application, who knows! Later, my grandma is coming over for a follow-up texting lesson, I'm going to start packing for vacation, and I'm going to work out some more. I'm either going to do Pilates or an Insanity video or both. It all depends on what I have time/energy for.
Also, Saturday I'm going to Paris with my family! We'll be there for three days seeing as many sights and museums as possible, then after that we'll be heading to London. I'm pretty excited to see everything I learned about in French class, to visit old friend in England, and overall to get a taste of the culture (and slightly cooler weather) in Europe! So I probably won't be blogging much until I'm back home, but you can bet that I'll have a ton of photos to post.
Also, Saturday I'm going to Paris with my family! We'll be there for three days seeing as many sights and museums as possible, then after that we'll be heading to London. I'm pretty excited to see everything I learned about in French class, to visit old friend in England, and overall to get a taste of the culture (and slightly cooler weather) in Europe! So I probably won't be blogging much until I'm back home, but you can bet that I'll have a ton of photos to post.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
5/26/15
Well I've been gone for quite some time, but I guess that happens! School is over, I've graduated, and I'm currently struggling to get employed, lose weight, and pretty much meet the goals I set for myself last summer and did okay on but never achieved!
Not going to school has been really surreal. I thought I'd cry more when high school ended but I guess not! It still hasn't really sunken in yet that I'm done. I'll just take it as a blessing for now.
Not going to school has been really surreal. I thought I'd cry more when high school ended but I guess not! It still hasn't really sunken in yet that I'm done. I'll just take it as a blessing for now.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
5/9/15
Things have started to look up. I wrote a "letter" to Jack about how he hurt my feelings and just kinda let it all out which was pretty beneficial for me. I'm actually going to deliver it. I'm gonna wait to do it until Tuesday cuz the next morning I'll have the AP Stats test, so I won't have to see him first thing in the morning the next day and I'll have a day to just kinda hide away and let him reflect on it. I'm kinda nervous, but at least I have everything written down so it's not like I have to say it to his face. That definitely helps.
Prom= A Pretty Mehhhhhhh Night.
Last night was interesting, to say the least.
Pre-Prom was pretty solid, Prom itself was super awkward because neither my date nor I were really feeling it the whole night, but people kept trying to get us to dance and "have fun." At one point we just went off and talked the whole time, and that was way better. Then, he ditched me at afterprom and I've felt pretty shitty ever since.
Pre-Prom was pretty solid, Prom itself was super awkward because neither my date nor I were really feeling it the whole night, but people kept trying to get us to dance and "have fun." At one point we just went off and talked the whole time, and that was way better. Then, he ditched me at afterprom and I've felt pretty shitty ever since.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Carmongeddon 2.5: What the Shit this is still a THING?!
I'm going to start using names now, because christ, it's not like any of my staffmates know I have this blog! So here's a key if you're planning on reading through all the previous Carmongeddon posts:
- Sarah= My co-Editor, Carmongeddon herself!
- Natalie/Tanny= Our staff adviser
- Maddi and Christina= other members of the staff who Sarah really does not like/treat with kindness
Back when Carmongeddon 2: Electric Boogaloo was coming to its close, Sarah had to leave to get an intense knee surgery. When she returned, she was a lot nicer to people. I think that having to rely a lot on the kindness of others made her realize that she has to treat others with kindness herself. However, as she's healed physically, her mean streak has started to return to her. For the last week and a half or so, she's been verbally abusing Maddi. She does it in a "joking" manner so nobody can really do anything about it, but it's hurtful because we know that she actually means what she says because she does not like Maddi one bit. She'll say things like "Shut up, Maddi!" or "Maddi, I thought we banned you from talking!" or "Why am I still hearing your voice?" Which, although said in a joking manner, still hurt Maddi's feelings. So there's been tension building up between the two of them.
The past several days, Sarah has been using a specific computer to work with all the data from the senior superlatives and senior surveys for our senior issue. She won't let ANYBODY touch them, which has been causing some more tension because we are definitely crunched for time. All of the information is on a Google Doc, by the way, so it can be opened literally anywhere. So, Christina was using that particular computer to proofread some of the written responses from our classmates because we really need to be on the ball with that sort of thing, yet Sarah refused to share the document with anybody so Christina couldn't do it on another computer since that one was logged in to Sarah's account. Sarah was mad that Christina was using "her" computer and threw a wee hissy fit at being asked to suck it up and use a different computer, and kept making passive-aggressive remarks to Christina about it. Then, Maddi came into the room to work on the layout for her portion of the senior issue. No computers were free, so Sarah gave up hers because she "couldn't get anything done on that one anyway" and left with her signature exasperated huff. When Maddi asked her if she could use the senior surveys so that she could record or get an idea of where people are going to college so she could get some work done on her pages, Sarah started berating her, telling her that she would mess up her entire organizational system/ruin everything for her (in much ruder terms and a much harsher tone). Christina bravely said, "Sarah, you can't talk to us like this." (Which she was PERFECTLY in her right to do after the childish behavior she and Maddi put up with from Sarah) To which Sarah replied, "WELL YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!!!!"
Sarah and Maddi started bickering back and forth, Maddi left to get the support of Natalie, but came back in under five minutes with nothing to show for it. Like when class actually began, all the underclassmen were sent out and we were all told that basically we had to suck it up and put up with each other for the rest of the year since these will be Natalie's last memories of Hoban.
All while sitting through the crazy awkwardness in that class, all I could say to myself was "WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS BULLSHIT SHIT MAN I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS SHIT I SHIT YOU NOT ARE YOU SHITTING ME IS THIS REAL LIFE?"
5/5/15: Carmongeddon 2.5?
It's my sister's birthday, yay! Also, things got crazy in newspaper- more on that later.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Ugggggh boys are really really really annoying.
Like before the whole prom thing Jack and I got along really great, but now he can't even look at me or make eye contact with me let alone hold a conversation. Like I'm sure a lot of this is from nerves and stuff, but it's really annoying/hurtful for me. It's not like I'm expecting a lot from him, I just want him to be himself because he's really fantastic. But this whole not talking to your Prom date business is really really bothering me. Like if he had just texted me back and said "You should bring your money to school Monday" I could have gone to the ATM and got some cash instead of being stranded and blindsided.
5/4/15 AKA Boys are Fairly Annoying
Ugh.
So today was the last day to purchase Prom tickets at my school, and all last weekend I was texting Jack about whether he wants me to bring money to school and pay for part/all of my ticket or if he was going to handle it himself. I got no reply whatsoever. In newspaper today we were sorting out and organizing the Prom permission forms, and I saw his in there and that made me think that he took care of the tickets on his own but didn't say anything. With my luck, that was not the case!
2:56 PM: I'm halfway out to my car, getting ready to call a florist to place my boutonniere order, when I get a text. "Sorry, I was asleep when I got your text last night. I only brought $40 (the cost of one ticket) to school with me, so I don't think I'm going to be able to pay for yours. Sorry"
WERE YOU ASLEEP ALL FREAKING WEEKEND LONG BOY?!
How much money was in my wallet, you ask? $20. So I paid for half a ticket, owe the Librarian $20 tomorrow, and am ready to strangle Jack.
So today was the last day to purchase Prom tickets at my school, and all last weekend I was texting Jack about whether he wants me to bring money to school and pay for part/all of my ticket or if he was going to handle it himself. I got no reply whatsoever. In newspaper today we were sorting out and organizing the Prom permission forms, and I saw his in there and that made me think that he took care of the tickets on his own but didn't say anything. With my luck, that was not the case!
2:56 PM: I'm halfway out to my car, getting ready to call a florist to place my boutonniere order, when I get a text. "Sorry, I was asleep when I got your text last night. I only brought $40 (the cost of one ticket) to school with me, so I don't think I'm going to be able to pay for yours. Sorry"
WERE YOU ASLEEP ALL FREAKING WEEKEND LONG BOY?!
How much money was in my wallet, you ask? $20. So I paid for half a ticket, owe the Librarian $20 tomorrow, and am ready to strangle Jack.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
I just bought my sister's birthday gift online, go me! I'm not really in the mood to go to bed, so I think I'm going to go on Pinterest and look for new workouts and health-related things. I know it'd be better for me to get to bed, but I can't help but feel inspired and motivated from Pinterest! Like I want to wake up 20 minutes earlier tomorrow so I HAVE to fit in a brief workout. That's my goal, at least!
I worked out for the first time in what seems like (and probably has been) WEEKS tonight! It was really nice to at least do something. It wasn't necessarily the most intense Pilates/Yoga/Calisthenics workout I've ever done, but overall I worked my whole body, tried some new moves that I've never done before, and I feel pretty good about it. I'm going to try to do as much as I can with it tomorrow as well. I'm starting up my cleanse tomorrow, drinking lots of water, eating high-fiber and high-protein foods, cutting out as much sugar and grain as I can, and overall doing my best to eat cleaner. I'm also going to cut out meat as much as possible as well.
I watched Food, Inc. during my workout and now I'm considering going vegetarian until I'm able to start buying my own groceries and researching companies that treat their product, the environment, and their workers with respect and dignity. Like now, I don't have much say as far as what goes into my food. I want to make the best choices I can as an adult, so I've been watching more and more food-related documentaries to give me an idea as to what might be best. Obviously, organic crops, local crops, non-GMO meat, fair-trade products, and unprocessed options are among my priorities.
I want to see a change in myself, not just for the short term (PROM) but for the rest of my life.
I watched Food, Inc. during my workout and now I'm considering going vegetarian until I'm able to start buying my own groceries and researching companies that treat their product, the environment, and their workers with respect and dignity. Like now, I don't have much say as far as what goes into my food. I want to make the best choices I can as an adult, so I've been watching more and more food-related documentaries to give me an idea as to what might be best. Obviously, organic crops, local crops, non-GMO meat, fair-trade products, and unprocessed options are among my priorities.
I want to see a change in myself, not just for the short term (PROM) but for the rest of my life.
5/3/15
Today was fairly uneventful! My sister got home from her retreat, I tanned, I learned a bit more about laundry, and I finished my homework so I'm feeling pretty solid! Tonight, I'm going to be exercising, and packing up food so that I eat well tomorrow when I start up my cleanse! Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts as well as water. I really want to make sure I have my act together for Friday!
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Boy Dilemma...
I forgot to mention in my last post a sort-of dilemma I'm having. My sister wants me to break up with Andy for Jack, and even though I like Jack a lot, I love Andy and could never hurt him. She doesn't really understand it. She hates Andy because he's quiet and "weird," but the thing is, Jack is just as quiet if not even more so than Andy, and has a lot of the same quirks. I think it has to do with the fact that my sister judges people by their appearances more than anything else. Like Andy has been the best boyfriend I've ever had without a doubt. He gives me no reason to complain, and even though he's far away and we can't be together as much as we'd like he brightens every single day of mine. He always shows how he cares about me, whether it's a phone call when I need to talk about something, sending me adorable pictures and videos of kittens, puppies, or other baby animals when I'm sad, sending me news articles/clips from shows or movies that remind him of me, talk about things I'm interested in, and so on. He's the perfect gentleman: respectful and kind. He never stops telling me he loves me, and I love him too. He's never hurt anything or anybody, and if I did something that hurt him I could never forgive myself. He's the closest thing to an angel that there is in my eyes.
Still, I can't help but think about Jack a lot. What am I supposed to do? I see so many of the qualities that I love about Andy in him: both are introverted, handsome guys, gifted artists (Andy with writing, music, and films and Jack with Drawing and Painting), sweet as can be, and respectful of others. Andy knows me better than I know myself, we share the same interests, beliefs, and dreams. I don't even know what kind of music Jack likes or what his favorite color is! Andy and I have had (in about one month) two years together to build a solid foundation for our relationship. Not once have we thought, not once has he ever given me even half a reason to leave him, so why on earth should I?
Nonetheless, I still really like Jack and I don't know what to do. I have feelings for him, but I'm pretty scared to act on them because I don't want to even consider hurting Andy or risk him finding out about it. Like I've tried voicing my feelings to people but I don't know what to do. Next year all three of us are going to be spread out across different schools anyway, so why should I try to start anything?
In case you didn't notice, I'm still a bundle of confusion and fellings and hormones.
Still, I can't help but think about Jack a lot. What am I supposed to do? I see so many of the qualities that I love about Andy in him: both are introverted, handsome guys, gifted artists (Andy with writing, music, and films and Jack with Drawing and Painting), sweet as can be, and respectful of others. Andy knows me better than I know myself, we share the same interests, beliefs, and dreams. I don't even know what kind of music Jack likes or what his favorite color is! Andy and I have had (in about one month) two years together to build a solid foundation for our relationship. Not once have we thought, not once has he ever given me even half a reason to leave him, so why on earth should I?
Nonetheless, I still really like Jack and I don't know what to do. I have feelings for him, but I'm pretty scared to act on them because I don't want to even consider hurting Andy or risk him finding out about it. Like I've tried voicing my feelings to people but I don't know what to do. Next year all three of us are going to be spread out across different schools anyway, so why should I try to start anything?
In case you didn't notice, I'm still a bundle of confusion and fellings and hormones.
WHAT A WEEK!
Okay, I didn't blog at all last week and I'm super sorry about that! But on the bright side, a lot of pretty positive stuff has happened, so overall I'm feeling a bit better about the negative things I was focused on in some of my last posts!
On Monday, I helped Dylan as Abby to Prom. I went out during my study hall and painted her car for him since he wouldn't have any time to, then helped him with getting her outside at just the right time. I was pretty pumped all day because of that, and also my plans to ask my friend Jack to Prom. I had tried so hard with my appearance that day- my hair was curled from the senior pictures, I put a ton of effort into my makeup, I was wearing a skirt, my jewelry was on point, and overall, I felt pretty confidant about my appearance. I wasn't really nervous during the day, not until about 10th period, before I would talk to him. When I finally did talk to him, things went well as usual. Then, when I brought up Prom, things got super super uncomfortable. It went something like this.
ME: What are you doing for Prom?
JACK: Oh, I dunno. I don't think I'm gonna go. I might go to Afterprom though.
ME: Oh, well I don't have a date yet, and I'd really love to go with you. I think we'd have a good time together.
JACK: SILENCE (THE LENGTHY, UNCOMFORTABLE KIND)
ME: OKAY I'M GOING TO GO NOW BYE. KEEP ME POSTED IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I felt mortified. I never really was one to put myself out there, usually guys flocked to me instead. I had no idea what to do, so I just cried while helping Dylan with the final stages of asking Abby to Prom. After that, Abby and my other friend, Kaela, who encouraged me to ask Jack in the first place, told me that they talked to him before coming out. Their conversation went something like this.
KAELA: Hey Jack, you're going to Prom right?
JACK: I dunno-
KAELA: Of course you are! And you're going with Emily, remember?
JACK: Oh, yeah! That'd be fun. We're pretty good friends, and Emily is super nice, fun, and easy to talk to. She's great.
LIKE BOY WHY DID YOU NOT SAY THIS TO MY FACE WHEN I WAS WITH YOU FIVE MINUTES EARLIER?!
Needless to say, I was so confused and distraught, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to school the next day. I was so so embarrassed, I didn't even want to look at Jack let alone attempt to ask him to Prom again. However, Kaela had talked to him the night before (she only told me this afterwards) and told him that I had asked, in case he didn't realize, and he needed to act quick before I wound up going with somebody else. She told me in AP Bio just to talk to him as usual and not even think about yesterday, so that's what I did. As I started walking away, he caught up with me and continued the conversation. This has never really happened before, so I was kinda surprised. Then things took a turn for the better.
JACK: Hey, did you still need a date for Prom?
ME: Yeah, I do.
JACK: Cuz I was thinking that maybe.... it'd make sense if we'd.... if you wanted to..... it'd be fun if we.... (more adorably nervous word vomit) Wanna go to Prom with me?
ME: Yeah, I do!
And then, things got a lot easier. The rest of the week was okay, incredibly uneventful save for Stats. I discovered Tuesday that I am completely invisible to my teacher. It started when my chair in his room was missing (he has tables and chairs instead of desks), so I jokingly kneeled on the ground as though that was how I'd spend the class. I realized that I was actually the same height on my knees as I was in the chair, so it sparked an idea in my head. My tablemates and I decided we we would run an experiment, testing to see how long it would take for my teacher to notice that I was kneeling. Needless to say, he didn't notice! Around the 35 minute mark, one girl at my table bet me a dollar that I wouldn't make it through the whole period (mostly because of the pain of kneeling for nearly an hour), and I took her up on it. I was a winner that day! I was really surprised that the teacher never noticed. I had participated much more actively than usual, another girl behind me tried to get him to notice by asking chair-related questions, and so on. Nothing worked! So, I decided I'd test the limits of my invisibility in AP Stats. The next day, I read the script of Bee Movie out loud all period. Friday, I read a Christianized Harry Potter fanfic called "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles." Still nothing. I think Monday I'll read some Presidential fanfiction, something really crazy and absurd.
This weekend, I don't have much homework so I've been working on things I can do to help with my Prom look. I tanned a lot today, and in the evening I hiked for some exercise. Tomorrow I'm going to tan some more, then I'm going to have a proper workout with a focus on the abs. Monday, I'm starting a cleanse and intensifying my diet. I mean it's only a week of eating like a rabbit, so that's not too terrible. I'll also be doing little spa-like things throughout the week, like face masks galore. I just wish I could skip school for the week and head straight to Prom! I do have the AP Literature exam Wednesday morning, and Bio and Stats the next week. I don't really need to prepare for Lit, but I definitely need to crack down on Bio and Stats if I want to get any credit at DePaul!
On Monday, I helped Dylan as Abby to Prom. I went out during my study hall and painted her car for him since he wouldn't have any time to, then helped him with getting her outside at just the right time. I was pretty pumped all day because of that, and also my plans to ask my friend Jack to Prom. I had tried so hard with my appearance that day- my hair was curled from the senior pictures, I put a ton of effort into my makeup, I was wearing a skirt, my jewelry was on point, and overall, I felt pretty confidant about my appearance. I wasn't really nervous during the day, not until about 10th period, before I would talk to him. When I finally did talk to him, things went well as usual. Then, when I brought up Prom, things got super super uncomfortable. It went something like this.
ME: What are you doing for Prom?
JACK: Oh, I dunno. I don't think I'm gonna go. I might go to Afterprom though.
ME: Oh, well I don't have a date yet, and I'd really love to go with you. I think we'd have a good time together.
JACK: SILENCE (THE LENGTHY, UNCOMFORTABLE KIND)
ME: OKAY I'M GOING TO GO NOW BYE. KEEP ME POSTED IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I felt mortified. I never really was one to put myself out there, usually guys flocked to me instead. I had no idea what to do, so I just cried while helping Dylan with the final stages of asking Abby to Prom. After that, Abby and my other friend, Kaela, who encouraged me to ask Jack in the first place, told me that they talked to him before coming out. Their conversation went something like this.
KAELA: Hey Jack, you're going to Prom right?
JACK: I dunno-
KAELA: Of course you are! And you're going with Emily, remember?
JACK: Oh, yeah! That'd be fun. We're pretty good friends, and Emily is super nice, fun, and easy to talk to. She's great.
LIKE BOY WHY DID YOU NOT SAY THIS TO MY FACE WHEN I WAS WITH YOU FIVE MINUTES EARLIER?!
Needless to say, I was so confused and distraught, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to school the next day. I was so so embarrassed, I didn't even want to look at Jack let alone attempt to ask him to Prom again. However, Kaela had talked to him the night before (she only told me this afterwards) and told him that I had asked, in case he didn't realize, and he needed to act quick before I wound up going with somebody else. She told me in AP Bio just to talk to him as usual and not even think about yesterday, so that's what I did. As I started walking away, he caught up with me and continued the conversation. This has never really happened before, so I was kinda surprised. Then things took a turn for the better.
JACK: Hey, did you still need a date for Prom?
ME: Yeah, I do.
JACK: Cuz I was thinking that maybe.... it'd make sense if we'd.... if you wanted to..... it'd be fun if we.... (more adorably nervous word vomit) Wanna go to Prom with me?
ME: Yeah, I do!
And then, things got a lot easier. The rest of the week was okay, incredibly uneventful save for Stats. I discovered Tuesday that I am completely invisible to my teacher. It started when my chair in his room was missing (he has tables and chairs instead of desks), so I jokingly kneeled on the ground as though that was how I'd spend the class. I realized that I was actually the same height on my knees as I was in the chair, so it sparked an idea in my head. My tablemates and I decided we we would run an experiment, testing to see how long it would take for my teacher to notice that I was kneeling. Needless to say, he didn't notice! Around the 35 minute mark, one girl at my table bet me a dollar that I wouldn't make it through the whole period (mostly because of the pain of kneeling for nearly an hour), and I took her up on it. I was a winner that day! I was really surprised that the teacher never noticed. I had participated much more actively than usual, another girl behind me tried to get him to notice by asking chair-related questions, and so on. Nothing worked! So, I decided I'd test the limits of my invisibility in AP Stats. The next day, I read the script of Bee Movie out loud all period. Friday, I read a Christianized Harry Potter fanfic called "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles." Still nothing. I think Monday I'll read some Presidential fanfiction, something really crazy and absurd.
This weekend, I don't have much homework so I've been working on things I can do to help with my Prom look. I tanned a lot today, and in the evening I hiked for some exercise. Tomorrow I'm going to tan some more, then I'm going to have a proper workout with a focus on the abs. Monday, I'm starting a cleanse and intensifying my diet. I mean it's only a week of eating like a rabbit, so that's not too terrible. I'll also be doing little spa-like things throughout the week, like face masks galore. I just wish I could skip school for the week and head straight to Prom! I do have the AP Literature exam Wednesday morning, and Bio and Stats the next week. I don't really need to prepare for Lit, but I definitely need to crack down on Bio and Stats if I want to get any credit at DePaul!
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