Things went tits up with Pedro, to say the least.
First, despite my endless reminders about the movie, he still neglected to inform me that he had play rehearsal and left me hanging after I MADE FUCKING HOMEMADE MAC AND CHEESE FOR HIM. I was understandably furious. I didn't end up going to the movie because 1.) I couldn't find anybody to go with me and 2.) I couldn't find anybody who would take the tickets off my hands. I basically fumed for two hours, and then he texts me saying "we need to talk and clear the air."
I was nervous. I threw up twice. I couldn't stop shaking and I could barely breathe. I told the friends I was with about everything, and they helped prevent me from completely flying off the handle. When he finally got back and was ready to talk, it was not very good.
Basically, he said that while I'm an "amazing person and that he owes me so so much" he "doesn't think anything should happen between us" because he doesn't want to tear apart our friend group. I knew this was gonna happen, I just expected it to happen last week. I had a lot that I wanted to say to him in regards to his leading me on and everything, but I straight-up had a nervous breakdown and lost my ability to speak. I couldn't stop shaking, and I felt like the walls were closing in around me, and I needed to get out of there. I got up, and said "It's your fucking loss. Don't talk to me for a few days. I can't be around you." and ran the fuck out.
I've essentially broken down completely since then. I have only left my bed once today, about 15 minutes ago, to put in my contact lenses. I basically spent the day writing a long, emotional letter to Pedro dragging him for leading me on and not being honest with me about his feelings from the get go. I fully intend on having it delivered, I just don't want to be the one to do it.
I'm so fucking done with guys right now, but I'm a hopeless romantic and can't help but fall for people. It's one of my biggest weaknesses.
Fuck me.
