Goodnight.

I hate everything.

Kinda funny how the scholarship essay I'm working on right now is all about optimism when I'm incredibly pessimistic and nihilistic! It's kinda strange how I'll always try to convince myself that I'm an optimist. Maybe a part of me believes that if I say it enough, it'll happen! I guess that's optimism in and of itself...

I hate everything. God is dead. There is no meaning to life. You go through shitty experience after shitty experience and then you die. A++ JOB, UNIVERSE!

Things just got infinitely worse...

Guess what?! MORE NEWSPAPER BULLSHIT!

That's correct- the whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse and worse! So you remember how I wasn't supposed to let the girl whose editorial got pulled know that it happened or else World War IV would happen? Well she asked me if things were finished and if she could come in early to help finish putting the issue together. Ordinarily, this would have been just fine! Except if she came in early, she'd learn all about what happened with her editorial... 

So, my staff adviser and the girl who gave me the instructions in the first place instructed me to lie my way out of it. I did, and I feel atrocious for it. This girl who wrote the article was so passionate about it and worked incredibly hard revising it to fit the standards that we thought our school's administration could stomach, but no. I feel bad, I don't want her to become discouraged. 

And after that, I get guilted into giving up the one good thing that was going to happen to me this week- Late start Thursday. I now have to be at school by 7:30 to read over the paper since "I haven't been doing my job as an editor and making the time sacrifices for this paper." 

I never felt so low in so long.

I actually managed to finish all of my homework, for once! It's actually the first night in weeks where I have tackled a seemingly daunting workload and finished before 10:30!  Now I can attempt to work on scholarship essays for a little while!

UGGGGGGGH

I am attempting to get an ad to work on this blog, but the thing is I don't know anything about HTML, which is the only way to get anywhere with placing ads. I'm really annoyed because I'm DESPERATELY trying to understand how it works, but I'm just not getting anywhere and I'm frustrated as all get out!

Now, I have about ten thousand other fish to fry.... Hurray.

Uggggggggggh I did it, and it's done....... Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh newspaper is getting to be a bit too much right now.....

1/28/15

Today has been a pretty rough day. All day I've been super-stressed out with newspaper stuff, and I'm really annoyed with everyone there. They ask me for help in things that are not my expertise and don't use me for any other purposes, then since I can't help them on the stuff that they're always scrambling to do, they bitch about me behind my back and I'm sick of it. I just want to leave that class. And the rest of the staff simply doesn't work and goofs off all the time, which is incredibly annoying. Like today we asked a girl to come up with a caption to accompany the picture that was with her story, and when there were five minutes left in class and we asked her if she could tell us the caption, she had forgotten about it entirely! It's even the littlest things that drive me crazy there. 

The rest of the school day was ehhhhh. Nothing really exciting or wonderful happened. I honestly felt like I was dragging around an empty shell of myself from class to class. I'm probably just tired, but I just feel pretty down today. 

I had a fair amount of homework to do, but then on my ride home one of the girls on the paper called me and said that our editorial page was pulled by our school administration, so now I have to write a few short news stories on top of all the other things I had to do. It's wonderful, REALLY!