All I've done today is homework, blargh.

Meh Morning

So far this morning I've had this really weird, "meh" feeling. I don't know how to describe it other than by saying "meh." I just wish I didn't have to go back to school or that I was off at college instead. Not that college would be any easier than high school, but I just don't want to deal with any people. I don't dislike the people I go to school with, I just think that nobody there really gives a shit about me and that hurts a lot. Like when we had the little donut/thumb-wrestling assembly on the first day of school- everybody was with their own little friend groups talking about their summers and comparing schedules, and I was all alone. I tried talking to other people, but it didn't really work because I just felt so out of place. I know that in college, I can find some lasting friends easily enough. I still have my friends from New York, but since I'm completely alone at school and at home, I just feel hopelessly lonely.

YAY ANDY'S COMING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

8/29/14

Today was a really really awful day for pretty much everyone I know. I had more tension headaches, some classmate's grandpa died, and more. My neighbor got a speeding ticket when she was driving me home from school, and the poor thing was so so so upset and couldn't stop crying the whole way home. Then in newspaper, things were really rough for me. Lately I've been feeling more and more like a doormat to my co-editor. Don't get me wrong, she's an incredibly gifted designer and she's incredibly responsible and organized, and I respect her so so much, but I feel left out of major moments and I look like an idiot in the process. Even if other's don't see me that way, I can't help but feel like an idiot when the staff asks me questions that I have no clue how to answer, like what''s for homework. And today we had all of our story ideas due, and me, our adviser, and the girl were supposed to all look through them to get an idea of what's going on before people start turning in their rough drafts, or so I thought.

Instead, the adviser looked through all the ideas and gave everybody their rightful grades, then the girl took them all and planned out the entire issue. Basically, she decided every single thing that was going to be published in the issue.

If I wasn't sharing this position with her, I wouldn't have been as upset as I was, but it really hurt my feelings and made me feel forgotten, ignored, and powerless. I wanted to say something right then and there, but I couldn't and if I did I would've regretted it, because 1). I suck at confronting people who are "equals" who intimidate me, 2). I didn't want to ruin our dynamic as a leadership team for the rest of the year, 3). I knew if I tried to say anything I'd start to cry in front of everyone, and if I did I'd make an ass of myself, 4). publicly berating her wouldn't solve anything and I need to learn how to work with people like her for the rest of my life, and 5). I needed to calm down before I did anything stupid and could talk it through with our adviser before doing anything.

After school ended, I went and talked with my adviser in her classroom. She was very kind and understanding and put up with my impossible to contain crying, and she gave me some great advice:

"There are two types of leaders, chess leaders and checker leaders. You're a chess leader; you see every person as a vital piece and use their strengths to push you towards a victory. She is a checker leader. Each piece looks the same, and each is one of many means to an end. That's not necessarily bad, but if you ignore the big picture and make each individual feel like the team's victory is one of his or her personal victories, you become a tyrant."

What she taught me about myself is that I work hard to make sure everyone feels included in every victory and that I play to other's strengths to make that happen. I boost morale and serve as a guiding light for others. I don't see other's as means to a personal victory: it's a team effort.

Nonetheless, I'm nervous.

It's 12:15 and I still haven't started Beowulf

Great.

While studying my AP English notes, I noticed that there was a whole lot of stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with English, but I don't really mind.

I really miss Andy right now. Just bleh. It hasn't even been a week and I really feel bleh about it all. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh.

Third Day of Senior Year

Today was a really uneventful day. School was okay, nothing bad happened but nothing fantastic did either. I'm feeling pretty good about AP Bio and AP Stats; a lot of the stuff we learn in both as far as the math goes go hand in hand. I really enjoy Economics and Honors Gov, neither of which I was expecting to enjoy. The teachers just have this magic way of making me feel enlightened, and I adore that. AP English is the same way, just a lot more nerve-wracking!

One of my coworkers got into a really bad 4-wheeler ATV accident today so I now am covering his Friday shift. I don't mind though, it'll give me another opportunity to bring up my numbers and I get to collect my second-to-last paycheck as an LTE so yay!

Goodnight!

I finished my homework surprisingly fast, so goodnight!

I made it home from work, and needless to say I'm beat. I still have homework, which is just fan-freaking-tastic!

Oops I didn't explain the Newspaper Mystery!

So what happened was this: last night I was checking twitter and saw a tweet from the school paper regarding the classwork. I screenshot it and sent it to Natalie and my co-editor Sarah and we were all steaming. Sarah is the only person with access to the twitter, but she didn't send the tweet. We figured it had to have been a member of the returning staff, since all of the passwords for accessing newspaper-things are the same. Anyways, we confronted the staff today and nobody knew a thing.

Senior Year Day 2

Today was slightly worse than yesterday. I was just incredibly tired through it all and that didn't help me one bit. I missed my lunch because I had to reformat my summer reading essays and my essays from the night before, which sucked big time. At least I know better now! Everything is a lot of work and I'm just not in my best shape for doing it.

As for the mystery of the hacker, nobody even knew that the newspaper had a twitter account and they were every bit as annoyed as us, so the mystery still remains unsolved.

I have work tonight from 5-close. I don't have much work to do, but I just hate to be working until 10 or later when I've been awake since 5:30 and busting my ass. Because of work, this is probably going to be my only post for the day.

One essay down, one to go!!!!

First Day of Senior Year

First thing's first, it wasn't nearly as awful as I expected! Stats was easy, the 2 English essays are hardly "essays," just "getting to know you" type things; Economics seems interesting, Morality class is blehhhh, Honors Government seems like a blast, Newspaper is still ehhh, and AP Bio is going to be very very fun!

They started the day off with a surprise pep rally complete with donuts, a juggler, and breaking a world record! That's right, we broke the world record for most people simultaneously thumb wrestling!

AND ON THAT NOTE, GOODNIGHT

Dun dun DUNNNNN

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW AND I'M SUPER SCARED LIKE I AM NOT READY FOR ANYTHING THIS SEMESTER FROM SCHOOLWORK TO EXTRACURRICULARS TO THE VISOR TO THEATER TO MY JOB TO COLLEGE APPLICATIONS I AM NOT MENTALLY PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T

On the bright side, my mom is making Chicken Parmesan so it's a solid night.

Summer Reading is Officially OVER

I finished annotating my book, although I'll probably go in and highlight a few random things before class starts. And I still haven't finished my Honor's Government homework, but I still have my lunch period to work on that. And now, I'll be making a CD for the car and then winding down for the night! I think I'll do some Pilates then clean out my drawers to see if there's anything I could donate to Goodwill. I just need to distract myself from my worries about tomorrow and the semester in general.

I really don't want the night to end. I'd do anything to not have to go to school tomorrow. I'm nervous and scared, even though I ought to be excited since it's the first day of my senior year. I'm nervous about how I'll be able to hold up with all of my stress. I'm nervous about how I'll make my schedule work with me. I'm scared by all the work I'll have to do, and how alone I'm going to be without Andy. I don't want the night to end at all. I'm so so stressed and worried, I don't wanna do this.

Sneeze post

My allergies are acting up today and I can't stop sneezing!!!! It's really obnoxious. I'm struggling to type this between the watering of my eyes and my need to grab tissues every thirty seconds. It's ridiculous! You can call me Emily the Red-Nosed Reindeer for now.

Oops forgot to switch out the laundry like my mom told me to oops

Since I finished my essay, I started cleaning out my closet finding stuff to donate to Goodwill. If there's one thing I don't have, it's closet space. It doesn't matter that much since a year from today I'll be moved in and getting ready to go to college, but it's still annoying.

Cooking Adventure of the Day: Eggs

Eggs are probably my favorite breakfast item. They're wonderful any way you cook them, and there's infinite possibilities with them! You can scramble them with cheese, meats, and veggies, you can make an omelette, you can make fantastic breakfast sandwiches with them, you can fry one and put it on a burger, you can poach, fry, bake, and boil them and they're fantastic! My all-time favorite breakfast food is Eggs Benedict. Just ohhhh my god eggs are like the potato of protein (potatoes are hella versatile, which is why I say this)! I even got Andy, who disliked breakfast food until he dated me, to fall in love with eggs! He makes sunny-side-up eggs almost every day!

Even though I can do almost everything with an egg, I simply cannot figure out how to cook an egg over easy or sunny-side-up. Every time I try, I'm left with at least one third of the egg being raw and inedible. It's definitely something I need to work on.

IT IS FINISHED

I FINISHED THE DAMN ESSAY YASSSSSS EMILY YASSSSSSSSS I HAD 1,007 WORDS THIS IS GREAT I'M FREE I'M FREE I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

39 WORDS LEFT ON MY ESSAY I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS!!!!!

I have a really bad headache and the right half of my face hurts like crazy. I tried aspirin and taking a brief nap, but neither really helped at all. I'm starting to think that I get stress-induced headaches, but that doesn't really explain too well why half of my face hurts.

Work Last Night

Last night I got out of work at 11... It's looking like it's gonna be that late on Tuesday, too.... I can't have that going on, I'm gonna lose my mind!!!!! There was a really adorable little girl who came into the store dressed as Elsa from Disney's Frozen and she was precious! Apparently she wears her Elsa dresses every day: they had to buy her four dresses because she'd never take them off! We had some Frozen character socks, but we sold out of them the week before she came in! Funnily enough, two of my coworkers were arguing over which movie was better, Frozen or the Fast and Furious movies. I think that girl settled that argument pretty well.

I'm heading in to work now. Wish me luck! This is probably "goodnight," too. Oh well!

OOPS JK I HAVE 817 WORDS THIS IS BETTER THAN EXPECTED

I got 801 words on my essay, WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got some annotations done, but I can always do that on my break or later tonight by lamplight or something. All is well in this girl's world! It's just such a big relief to be almost finished with this homework. That was one of my biggest stressors.

I FINISHED THE QUOTE REFLECTIONS OH MY GOD YASSSSSS

I'm so mad that I have to work tonight! At improv, our fearless leader Bob is doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge along with two other players who were nominated on stage! All the proceeds from the show are going to ALS, and they'll be matching donations. Personally I just wanna see them get buckets of ice water poured on them!

8/23/14

Good morning everybody! I'm off to a solid start this morning: I ate a healthy breakfast and exercised a little. It wasn't much, but it's a great start. I have a lot to get done today. My goal is to finish my quote reflections and annotating my book before I go to work at 4, and then to get to at least 800 words on my essay. I would love to just enjoy my last day of summer break tomorrow, so the more I get done the better. I also plan on exercising at least a bit today. I've gotten in such bad shape since I was in New York, and I need to do what I can to get to where I ought to be health-wise.

Ferguson

My mom just got home from  St. Louis, which has me thinking a lot about the situation in Ferguson. The whole thing really angers me. It angers me that a cop killed a boy for absolutely no good reason. It angers me that the police there are inept, racist, and doing nothing about it. It angers me that this man got away with murder. It angers me that when a community came together to protest, they were treated like animals; tear gassed, shot at with rubber bullets and even live ammunition and hardly anything has been done to help them. It angers me so so much that the journalists trying to cover the situation are being denied their rights and even threatened by the St. Louis county police department. It angers me that the first amendment is being denied to these Americans. It angers me that the police in Ferguson are deliberately breaking the law by hiding their identities. It infuriates me that many police forces in America, especially Ferguson's and St. Louis county's, are more militarized than ever and even have more gear than America's army. It infuriates me that absolutely nothing has been done to take control back during this gross miscarriage of the law by the federal government. It infuriates me that nothing is being done, period.

Stress Post 1/who knows how many

Ugggggggggggggggggh writing is so so so hard and I don't wanna do it one bit and blehhhhhh. I just wanna lay around and sleep and be cuddled and that's not gonna happen for a long time and blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

My cat was just in a deep sleep and it was really really really cute. Needless to say I was distracted.

I feel like everything that I'm writing is super lame, but in the words of the deep voiced whatchamacallit in Katy Perry's Dark Horse, "There's no going back."

Aaaand I'm still far from finished with my essay. Great.

8-22-14

As expected, saying goodbye to Andy was really really rough. I felt bad because 40 minutes before I had to go I just burst into tears. I cried and cried and cried and it was really awful. I don't even know how I made it home, I was falling to pieces and screaming and sobbing and it was awful. I feel a bit better now, except for the gazillion other things stressing me out.

1 AM AND STILL GOING STRONG

I'm like halfway done with my essay, a bit further on the quote reflections, and I annotated my book some more! (I initially stopped after the first 50 pages; I was annotating too much and it was distracting me.)

My dad told me it was bedtime... Dad I'm fully aware what time it is and YES I'm still gonna work on my homework!

I have no motivation whatsoever. I need to to be held at gunpoint to get anywhere with all of this homework. Honestly I'm saving some of my Honors Government homework to do on my lunch on the first day of school. That's how far this has gotten. Why must school be this stressful?

Welp, I still have a fair deal of writer's block! It was helpful to unwind a little bit, and having written the big things that were stressing me out was kinda therapeutic. Now I just have to persevere with the working...

Writer's Block Blogging

Ugggggh I have insane writer's block right now. It might just be stress getting in my way, cuz I am so so so so stressed, so I'm just gonna blog about all the things that are stressing me out and that might help. If not, I'll just take a bubble bath or something small to distract myself long enough to calm down. So here's the collective list of everything that's stressing me out, not necessarily in order:

• Andy's leaving and I feel like I've wasted so much time this summer that I didn't spend with him. 
• All of my summer homework. I feel bad about this all around because I put it off and kept getting distracted by travelling and then Andy. I feel like no matter what I do I'm not using my time as well as  I could be. I need two extras days each week. 
• Being in charge of the school newspaper. On the bright side, My co-editor said multiple times that she is glad to take on the brunt of the work since she has a very easy schedule, which helps, but I worry that it might be a lot for the both of us. And some kids on the staff aren't very reliable...
• The first week of school, in English alone there's so much work: the first day we have two essays due the next day. That's absolutely insane and I'm not ready for that mentally. The first semester alone is gonna kill me.
• I've been gain a lot of weight as a result of eating worse at work and not having much time to exercise. I feel really crappy about my health, especially since I started the summer off so well, heading to the gym every other day, eating well, doing pilates, walking the dog, and so on. I really screwed up there.
• Being a giant screw-up in general has really been getting to me,

Tomorrow is gonna be so rough. I'm gonna be getting up early to work on my quotation reflections, and then I need to pick up some cookies and chips and veggies for the newspaper staff meeting, then seeing Andy for the last time for at least a month. At first I was way more freaked out about him leaving; I thought I wasn't going to be able to see him until at least Thanksgiving when he comes home, but I'll be heading up to Cleveland for theater classes at least twice before that. I do a program through the Cleveland Playhouse Education group where me and other high schoolers from the area get to take two master theater classes, have a free lunch, then see a show for free every month during the school year. It's right next to Andy's dorm building, so I'll at least get to see him regularly! I'll still cry Thursday night when I leave him, even though I know it won't be that long. Letting go is just really really fucking scary.

269 words down, hella words to go!

8-20-14

Yesterday I made a huge mistake. I didn't work on any of my summer homework. Not even a little bit. I done goofed. And I'm only just starting to work on it now today. I'm so so so so so so so so screwed. I have tonight, early early early Thursday morning, Friday night, and Sunday. I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die...

Shoutout to my mom for taking my phone again.

I SPENT 10 MINUTES MAKING MY SNAPCHAT STORY ABOUT MY SUMMER WORK INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY WORKING ON MY SUMMER WORK SOMEBODY ARREST ME PLEASE

I'm not mentally ready for the next 3 months

Welp, two and a half assignments down, two and a half to go....

The highlight of yesterday was a new froyo bar opening in the mall. It was actually decently priced; I didn't even have to pay $5 and I had a ton of toppings! I've been dreaming about that froyo all day, I'm having really bad cravings for sweets, particularly of the cold and creamy variety.

8-17-14

I had a terrible setback in my summer work: last night I had a terrible migraine (courtesy of the screaming little beastly children at Famous Footwear) and laid in bed from 4:30 until I fell asleep. I feel much better today, so yay for that! I'm already halfway through my Honors Gov homework, which I thought would take much longer. I've been having a lot of writer's block with my English work, though. I really need to get that worked out because there is a stupid amount of work that needs done there and hardly enough time to do it!

It's been a crazy day of stuffing envelopes for this girl! On the bright side, I didn't have to go into work, which was great. I still haven't gotten much work done. Oops.

8-15-14

Cedar Point was a blast yesterday! The two rides that were put in since the last time I was there were closed, unfortunately, but Andy and I still got to do a lot and see a ton of stuff. My favorite ride there is Millennium Force. It's hands-down the best coaster on the continent. We waited a total of four hours for it, but it was 100% worth it all. We ate lunch at the Johnny Rocket's in the park. The fries were great and I had the thickest milkshake I've ever had in my life, but my burger was meh. It had a funny aftertaste. All in all, it was a really great day and I'd relive it over and over again if I could.

8-13-14

Today was a pretty sad day for me. It started off well; I met with my newspaper adviser and co-editor to discuss the paper, met Andy for lunch, and picked up my schedule for senior year. After that, my day went far downhill. As I looked over and analyzed my schedule, I realized that it was extremely hard. If I survive my first semester alone it'll be a minor miracle. So in order to not spread myself as thinly I have to quit my improv troupe for at least the first semester. Improv is my therapy and my fellow improvisers are my family, so this really breaks my heart. Plus Andy leaves for school in 10 days, and then I have all sorts of work left to do and I'm dying. On the bright side, he's taking me to Cedar Point tomorrow, so at least it'll be a nice day off.

8-12-14

I can hardly focus on the East of Eden reflections that I'm writing. I want to impress the teacher really badly with my analysis and writing prowess, but I feel like everything I've written sounds like "herpderpherpderpherpderp." I'm sure I'm just over-analyzing it, but I still don't want to make a bad impression.

Today I (finally) went to the gym. Yay for getting back on track!

I can hardly focus on my summer reading assignments, I'm just so so so tired.

Uggggggh I'm so so so so so so tired I've been up since 6:30...

I am hardcore craving bagels right now. All the bagels, it doesn't matter how many.

Sorry for not posting at all the past few days! Work has been wiping me out. On the bright side, I finished reading East of Eden!!!!!!!!!


Now I just have to do all the other stuff....

Chocolate Mud/Nutella Lava Microwave Dessert

After the shells, I was seriously craving chocolate. It was driving me crazy, and this was the only thing that could fix it! Look at it, in all of its glory!!!

Here's the recipe for this glorious chocolate desert:

• 1 oz. chocolate chips, or however many you feel like putting in. I usually just go off of my sight.
• 1 1/2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 1/2 beaten egg or 1 tbsp of "egg beaters"(pre-beaten eggs in a carton). That's what I typically use just because I'm not wasting half an egg and I save some time and dishes by not having to beat it.
• 1 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 2 tbsp Nutella (if desired)

To start, melt the chocolate chips and the butter in a microwave safe bowl or mug for 40 seconds, and then stir to make sure it is blended evenly and has a liquid consistency. Then, mix in the sugar, egg, and flour until you have a semi-thick batter. If adding Nutella, leave a dollop right in the middle of the mix: maybe push it down if you so feel like it. Microwave the dessert for 45 seconds to a minute, but don't go over a minute. Personally, I like mine a little muddier so I only cook it for 45 seconds. Remove from microwave and allow to cool for 3 minutes before serving.

Alternative: Mix the chocolatey dessert up so it gets the consistency of a mud cake. This is my favorite way to eat it.

I really enjoy this recipe because it's great in a pinch when you don't have a lot of time or energy but are still craving a warm and rich dessert.

Bacon Shells & Cheese pic

I just realized that I haven't posted the picture for my bacon shells and cheese and also the recipe/picture of the spectacular dessert I made with it!!!!! It's coming!!!!!!!!!!!

Welp, I now have at least four hours extra of work tomorrow night, and basically zero hours for summer reading. Gold star for Emily.

Ok, NOW I'll read.

Right now I'm putting off my summer reading even further by online shopping. Way to go, me!

8-7-14

Today I got called into work, which was pretty meh. It was a pretty slow day for the most part. In good news, my mom, after almost a year, finally got a new full-time job! We're all pretty stoked, and she is especially. She's missed working, so I'm really happy for her!!!!

Goodnight, my readers!

Also, I'm watching Fargo right now and it's pretty great. Steve Buscemi is pretty phenomenal in his role.

According to Netflix, Freaky Friday is a critically-acclaimed film. Imma let that sink in...

My younger sister just got home from a concert and my dad's so mad but he fell asleep minutes before she got home so she's off the hook this time!

East of Eden is a really intense and compelling novel. Also, I was creeping on my team from New York's Facebook group and found out that one of the girls in my group goes to the rival high school of my school paper's biggest enemy and it was really exciting. For me, at least. I don't think she really cared about that!

I'm only screwed because I work 5 days next week, am visiting Cedar Point with my boyfriend's family another day, and there's two days of journalism boot camp. So really I have 11 days to do all of that....

8-6-2014

I go back to school in 19 days. That means I have 19 days to finish reading and annotating East of Eden, write a 1000 word essay, write reflections for 9 quotes, and read three historical documents. I'm screwed.

I just started watching Futurama, so it's going to be quite the journey!

I just finished what was left of Archer on Netflix. Now I just have to wait until the rest of the series is added!

It was really wonderful to see Andy tonight. He's the absolute sweetest guy in the universe! He brought me back a playbill from The Book of Mormon and searched far and wide for some Broadway memorabilia for me.  I'm going to miss him so much when he's away at school.

So my mom took my phone away for the week, so it's safe to count on more posts from me tonight!

Also, Archer just did an homage to Bob's Burger's and it was perfect!!!!!

Tomorrow morning I'm meeting my co-editor-in-chief for breakfast, and we're going to discuss our goals for the paper this year as well as our ideas for "journalism bootcamp." I'm pretty excited!

It's been a busy past two days at work. Back to school sales have started, and it's crazy hectic, so sorry I haven't posted the past two days!

It was such a long and painful day of work today. It was extremely busy, and customers practically trashed the store. I feel like I came from a war zone. Sales-wise, it was fantastic though!

Today I started working on the common app. It kinda freaks me out how quickly the summer is ending, as well as my time as a teenager. I can't stop it, but I don't know if I'm ready for it to happen. I mean, I'm really excited for a lot of it- the freedom, growth, and milestones like marriage and getting a career- but at the same time I am so afraid of the mundane and scary stuff like filing taxes, paying bills, uncertainty, and so on. Bleh.

One of my shows

Sooooo the improv show I did at the Kent Stage is on YouTube now..... It's HERE.

As far as today goes, I worked all day. Right now it's employee appreciation week, which only means we get a slightly larger discount. Basically, my paycheck is gone!

7-31-14 (Better late than never!)

Sorry I didn't post at all yesterday, it was a very busy day! I had many many many chores, and then I went to see a movie with Andy and his friends Matt, Anthony, and Catherine. We saw Boyhood. I really enjoyed the film, it was a fascinating and realistic look into modern childhood and Bildungsroman (coming of age). If you haven't heard of it yet, it's extremely unique because the movie was shot over the past 15 years, using all the same actors. You can see everybody age before your eyes, and that is an incredible experience.