I reached out to Andy this evening about an hour and a half ago. We've been trying to be friends, I really thought we could, but he never talks to me and whenever I talk to him I get the vibe that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me and wants me to leave him alone. Of course, he'd never say this to me because he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, but after seeing him post a song called "Christmas all alone" I felt horribly horribly guilty. I figured he wasn't trying to call me out because he's not petty and would never stoop so low. I wanted to say that I was sorry for hurting him anyways, I had never properly apologized and I was feeling a lot of guilt from that. So, I texted him this long sad text about how I have been struggling to be his friend because I haven't apologized for the pain I've caused and that I really didn't want him to hate me. It was risky, but honestly what do I have left to lose?
Basically, he doesn't hate me, but he doesn't want me to be a part of his life and never wants to see me again. In a way it's a relief since I won't have to worry about "oh god, what if this is awkward?" and other thoughts like that, but at the same time I just lost my best friend forever.
I am in so much pain right now and I just want to be held while I cry. I have reached rock bottom.
No comments:
Post a Comment