Ugh.
So today was the last day to purchase Prom tickets at my school, and all last weekend I was texting Jack about whether he wants me to bring money to school and pay for part/all of my ticket or if he was going to handle it himself. I got no reply whatsoever. In newspaper today we were sorting out and organizing the Prom permission forms, and I saw his in there and that made me think that he took care of the tickets on his own but didn't say anything. With my luck, that was not the case!
2:56 PM: I'm halfway out to my car, getting ready to call a florist to place my boutonniere order, when I get a text. "Sorry, I was asleep when I got your text last night. I only brought $40 (the cost of one ticket) to school with me, so I don't think I'm going to be able to pay for yours. Sorry"
WERE YOU ASLEEP ALL FREAKING WEEKEND LONG BOY?!
How much money was in my wallet, you ask? $20. So I paid for half a ticket, owe the Librarian $20 tomorrow, and am ready to strangle Jack.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
I just bought my sister's birthday gift online, go me! I'm not really in the mood to go to bed, so I think I'm going to go on Pinterest and look for new workouts and health-related things. I know it'd be better for me to get to bed, but I can't help but feel inspired and motivated from Pinterest! Like I want to wake up 20 minutes earlier tomorrow so I HAVE to fit in a brief workout. That's my goal, at least!
I worked out for the first time in what seems like (and probably has been) WEEKS tonight! It was really nice to at least do something. It wasn't necessarily the most intense Pilates/Yoga/Calisthenics workout I've ever done, but overall I worked my whole body, tried some new moves that I've never done before, and I feel pretty good about it. I'm going to try to do as much as I can with it tomorrow as well. I'm starting up my cleanse tomorrow, drinking lots of water, eating high-fiber and high-protein foods, cutting out as much sugar and grain as I can, and overall doing my best to eat cleaner. I'm also going to cut out meat as much as possible as well.
I watched Food, Inc. during my workout and now I'm considering going vegetarian until I'm able to start buying my own groceries and researching companies that treat their product, the environment, and their workers with respect and dignity. Like now, I don't have much say as far as what goes into my food. I want to make the best choices I can as an adult, so I've been watching more and more food-related documentaries to give me an idea as to what might be best. Obviously, organic crops, local crops, non-GMO meat, fair-trade products, and unprocessed options are among my priorities.
I want to see a change in myself, not just for the short term (PROM) but for the rest of my life.
I watched Food, Inc. during my workout and now I'm considering going vegetarian until I'm able to start buying my own groceries and researching companies that treat their product, the environment, and their workers with respect and dignity. Like now, I don't have much say as far as what goes into my food. I want to make the best choices I can as an adult, so I've been watching more and more food-related documentaries to give me an idea as to what might be best. Obviously, organic crops, local crops, non-GMO meat, fair-trade products, and unprocessed options are among my priorities.
I want to see a change in myself, not just for the short term (PROM) but for the rest of my life.
5/3/15
Today was fairly uneventful! My sister got home from her retreat, I tanned, I learned a bit more about laundry, and I finished my homework so I'm feeling pretty solid! Tonight, I'm going to be exercising, and packing up food so that I eat well tomorrow when I start up my cleanse! Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts as well as water. I really want to make sure I have my act together for Friday!
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Boy Dilemma...
I forgot to mention in my last post a sort-of dilemma I'm having. My sister wants me to break up with Andy for Jack, and even though I like Jack a lot, I love Andy and could never hurt him. She doesn't really understand it. She hates Andy because he's quiet and "weird," but the thing is, Jack is just as quiet if not even more so than Andy, and has a lot of the same quirks. I think it has to do with the fact that my sister judges people by their appearances more than anything else. Like Andy has been the best boyfriend I've ever had without a doubt. He gives me no reason to complain, and even though he's far away and we can't be together as much as we'd like he brightens every single day of mine. He always shows how he cares about me, whether it's a phone call when I need to talk about something, sending me adorable pictures and videos of kittens, puppies, or other baby animals when I'm sad, sending me news articles/clips from shows or movies that remind him of me, talk about things I'm interested in, and so on. He's the perfect gentleman: respectful and kind. He never stops telling me he loves me, and I love him too. He's never hurt anything or anybody, and if I did something that hurt him I could never forgive myself. He's the closest thing to an angel that there is in my eyes.
Still, I can't help but think about Jack a lot. What am I supposed to do? I see so many of the qualities that I love about Andy in him: both are introverted, handsome guys, gifted artists (Andy with writing, music, and films and Jack with Drawing and Painting), sweet as can be, and respectful of others. Andy knows me better than I know myself, we share the same interests, beliefs, and dreams. I don't even know what kind of music Jack likes or what his favorite color is! Andy and I have had (in about one month) two years together to build a solid foundation for our relationship. Not once have we thought, not once has he ever given me even half a reason to leave him, so why on earth should I?
Nonetheless, I still really like Jack and I don't know what to do. I have feelings for him, but I'm pretty scared to act on them because I don't want to even consider hurting Andy or risk him finding out about it. Like I've tried voicing my feelings to people but I don't know what to do. Next year all three of us are going to be spread out across different schools anyway, so why should I try to start anything?
In case you didn't notice, I'm still a bundle of confusion and fellings and hormones.
Still, I can't help but think about Jack a lot. What am I supposed to do? I see so many of the qualities that I love about Andy in him: both are introverted, handsome guys, gifted artists (Andy with writing, music, and films and Jack with Drawing and Painting), sweet as can be, and respectful of others. Andy knows me better than I know myself, we share the same interests, beliefs, and dreams. I don't even know what kind of music Jack likes or what his favorite color is! Andy and I have had (in about one month) two years together to build a solid foundation for our relationship. Not once have we thought, not once has he ever given me even half a reason to leave him, so why on earth should I?
Nonetheless, I still really like Jack and I don't know what to do. I have feelings for him, but I'm pretty scared to act on them because I don't want to even consider hurting Andy or risk him finding out about it. Like I've tried voicing my feelings to people but I don't know what to do. Next year all three of us are going to be spread out across different schools anyway, so why should I try to start anything?
In case you didn't notice, I'm still a bundle of confusion and fellings and hormones.
WHAT A WEEK!
Okay, I didn't blog at all last week and I'm super sorry about that! But on the bright side, a lot of pretty positive stuff has happened, so overall I'm feeling a bit better about the negative things I was focused on in some of my last posts!
On Monday, I helped Dylan as Abby to Prom. I went out during my study hall and painted her car for him since he wouldn't have any time to, then helped him with getting her outside at just the right time. I was pretty pumped all day because of that, and also my plans to ask my friend Jack to Prom. I had tried so hard with my appearance that day- my hair was curled from the senior pictures, I put a ton of effort into my makeup, I was wearing a skirt, my jewelry was on point, and overall, I felt pretty confidant about my appearance. I wasn't really nervous during the day, not until about 10th period, before I would talk to him. When I finally did talk to him, things went well as usual. Then, when I brought up Prom, things got super super uncomfortable. It went something like this.
ME: What are you doing for Prom?
JACK: Oh, I dunno. I don't think I'm gonna go. I might go to Afterprom though.
ME: Oh, well I don't have a date yet, and I'd really love to go with you. I think we'd have a good time together.
JACK: SILENCE (THE LENGTHY, UNCOMFORTABLE KIND)
ME: OKAY I'M GOING TO GO NOW BYE. KEEP ME POSTED IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I felt mortified. I never really was one to put myself out there, usually guys flocked to me instead. I had no idea what to do, so I just cried while helping Dylan with the final stages of asking Abby to Prom. After that, Abby and my other friend, Kaela, who encouraged me to ask Jack in the first place, told me that they talked to him before coming out. Their conversation went something like this.
KAELA: Hey Jack, you're going to Prom right?
JACK: I dunno-
KAELA: Of course you are! And you're going with Emily, remember?
JACK: Oh, yeah! That'd be fun. We're pretty good friends, and Emily is super nice, fun, and easy to talk to. She's great.
LIKE BOY WHY DID YOU NOT SAY THIS TO MY FACE WHEN I WAS WITH YOU FIVE MINUTES EARLIER?!
Needless to say, I was so confused and distraught, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to school the next day. I was so so embarrassed, I didn't even want to look at Jack let alone attempt to ask him to Prom again. However, Kaela had talked to him the night before (she only told me this afterwards) and told him that I had asked, in case he didn't realize, and he needed to act quick before I wound up going with somebody else. She told me in AP Bio just to talk to him as usual and not even think about yesterday, so that's what I did. As I started walking away, he caught up with me and continued the conversation. This has never really happened before, so I was kinda surprised. Then things took a turn for the better.
JACK: Hey, did you still need a date for Prom?
ME: Yeah, I do.
JACK: Cuz I was thinking that maybe.... it'd make sense if we'd.... if you wanted to..... it'd be fun if we.... (more adorably nervous word vomit) Wanna go to Prom with me?
ME: Yeah, I do!
And then, things got a lot easier. The rest of the week was okay, incredibly uneventful save for Stats. I discovered Tuesday that I am completely invisible to my teacher. It started when my chair in his room was missing (he has tables and chairs instead of desks), so I jokingly kneeled on the ground as though that was how I'd spend the class. I realized that I was actually the same height on my knees as I was in the chair, so it sparked an idea in my head. My tablemates and I decided we we would run an experiment, testing to see how long it would take for my teacher to notice that I was kneeling. Needless to say, he didn't notice! Around the 35 minute mark, one girl at my table bet me a dollar that I wouldn't make it through the whole period (mostly because of the pain of kneeling for nearly an hour), and I took her up on it. I was a winner that day! I was really surprised that the teacher never noticed. I had participated much more actively than usual, another girl behind me tried to get him to notice by asking chair-related questions, and so on. Nothing worked! So, I decided I'd test the limits of my invisibility in AP Stats. The next day, I read the script of Bee Movie out loud all period. Friday, I read a Christianized Harry Potter fanfic called "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles." Still nothing. I think Monday I'll read some Presidential fanfiction, something really crazy and absurd.
This weekend, I don't have much homework so I've been working on things I can do to help with my Prom look. I tanned a lot today, and in the evening I hiked for some exercise. Tomorrow I'm going to tan some more, then I'm going to have a proper workout with a focus on the abs. Monday, I'm starting a cleanse and intensifying my diet. I mean it's only a week of eating like a rabbit, so that's not too terrible. I'll also be doing little spa-like things throughout the week, like face masks galore. I just wish I could skip school for the week and head straight to Prom! I do have the AP Literature exam Wednesday morning, and Bio and Stats the next week. I don't really need to prepare for Lit, but I definitely need to crack down on Bio and Stats if I want to get any credit at DePaul!
On Monday, I helped Dylan as Abby to Prom. I went out during my study hall and painted her car for him since he wouldn't have any time to, then helped him with getting her outside at just the right time. I was pretty pumped all day because of that, and also my plans to ask my friend Jack to Prom. I had tried so hard with my appearance that day- my hair was curled from the senior pictures, I put a ton of effort into my makeup, I was wearing a skirt, my jewelry was on point, and overall, I felt pretty confidant about my appearance. I wasn't really nervous during the day, not until about 10th period, before I would talk to him. When I finally did talk to him, things went well as usual. Then, when I brought up Prom, things got super super uncomfortable. It went something like this.
ME: What are you doing for Prom?
JACK: Oh, I dunno. I don't think I'm gonna go. I might go to Afterprom though.
ME: Oh, well I don't have a date yet, and I'd really love to go with you. I think we'd have a good time together.
JACK: SILENCE (THE LENGTHY, UNCOMFORTABLE KIND)
ME: OKAY I'M GOING TO GO NOW BYE. KEEP ME POSTED IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I felt mortified. I never really was one to put myself out there, usually guys flocked to me instead. I had no idea what to do, so I just cried while helping Dylan with the final stages of asking Abby to Prom. After that, Abby and my other friend, Kaela, who encouraged me to ask Jack in the first place, told me that they talked to him before coming out. Their conversation went something like this.
KAELA: Hey Jack, you're going to Prom right?
JACK: I dunno-
KAELA: Of course you are! And you're going with Emily, remember?
JACK: Oh, yeah! That'd be fun. We're pretty good friends, and Emily is super nice, fun, and easy to talk to. She's great.
LIKE BOY WHY DID YOU NOT SAY THIS TO MY FACE WHEN I WAS WITH YOU FIVE MINUTES EARLIER?!
Needless to say, I was so confused and distraught, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to school the next day. I was so so embarrassed, I didn't even want to look at Jack let alone attempt to ask him to Prom again. However, Kaela had talked to him the night before (she only told me this afterwards) and told him that I had asked, in case he didn't realize, and he needed to act quick before I wound up going with somebody else. She told me in AP Bio just to talk to him as usual and not even think about yesterday, so that's what I did. As I started walking away, he caught up with me and continued the conversation. This has never really happened before, so I was kinda surprised. Then things took a turn for the better.
JACK: Hey, did you still need a date for Prom?
ME: Yeah, I do.
JACK: Cuz I was thinking that maybe.... it'd make sense if we'd.... if you wanted to..... it'd be fun if we.... (more adorably nervous word vomit) Wanna go to Prom with me?
ME: Yeah, I do!
And then, things got a lot easier. The rest of the week was okay, incredibly uneventful save for Stats. I discovered Tuesday that I am completely invisible to my teacher. It started when my chair in his room was missing (he has tables and chairs instead of desks), so I jokingly kneeled on the ground as though that was how I'd spend the class. I realized that I was actually the same height on my knees as I was in the chair, so it sparked an idea in my head. My tablemates and I decided we we would run an experiment, testing to see how long it would take for my teacher to notice that I was kneeling. Needless to say, he didn't notice! Around the 35 minute mark, one girl at my table bet me a dollar that I wouldn't make it through the whole period (mostly because of the pain of kneeling for nearly an hour), and I took her up on it. I was a winner that day! I was really surprised that the teacher never noticed. I had participated much more actively than usual, another girl behind me tried to get him to notice by asking chair-related questions, and so on. Nothing worked! So, I decided I'd test the limits of my invisibility in AP Stats. The next day, I read the script of Bee Movie out loud all period. Friday, I read a Christianized Harry Potter fanfic called "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles." Still nothing. I think Monday I'll read some Presidential fanfiction, something really crazy and absurd.
This weekend, I don't have much homework so I've been working on things I can do to help with my Prom look. I tanned a lot today, and in the evening I hiked for some exercise. Tomorrow I'm going to tan some more, then I'm going to have a proper workout with a focus on the abs. Monday, I'm starting a cleanse and intensifying my diet. I mean it's only a week of eating like a rabbit, so that's not too terrible. I'll also be doing little spa-like things throughout the week, like face masks galore. I just wish I could skip school for the week and head straight to Prom! I do have the AP Literature exam Wednesday morning, and Bio and Stats the next week. I don't really need to prepare for Lit, but I definitely need to crack down on Bio and Stats if I want to get any credit at DePaul!
Monday, April 27, 2015
Goodnight!!!
Ugggh I can hardly sleep my stomach is a bundle of nerves... Wish me luck, nonetheless.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Nervous Rant
I'm so freaking nervous about tomorrow. SO. SO. NERVOUS.
I'm nervous about Newspaper because my story and design were due days ago. I'm nervous for AP Bio because I'm thisclose to having to take an additional exam and I cannot afford to miss a single point on ANY assignment, and I mean any! I'm nervous about video production because I still have no footage for one of my projects. I'm nervous for AP Stats because I have no clue as to what is happening. I'm nervous about all my AP Tests because I just don't feel ready at all. I feel so so overwhelmed.
And I'm nervous about asking my friend to Prom as well. Like I know he'll say yes, but it's still super nerve-wracking, like what if I mess up all my words and just sound and look like a complete idiot? What if, minutes before I ask, somebody else does so he has to say no to me? What if there's somehow something unattractive about me in that moment and he gets super grossed out? Like I know a lot of this is super unlikely, but it's still every bit as terrifying, ya know?
I just need to really really really relax, not have to go to school for a few weeks, and forget about everything. I feel so flustered, confused, nervous, and overall on edge about everything. Like I'm simultaneously super excited and super terrified to face the day tomorrow. It really shouldn't be like this but I can't help it!!!!!!!
I'm nervous about Newspaper because my story and design were due days ago. I'm nervous for AP Bio because I'm thisclose to having to take an additional exam and I cannot afford to miss a single point on ANY assignment, and I mean any! I'm nervous about video production because I still have no footage for one of my projects. I'm nervous for AP Stats because I have no clue as to what is happening. I'm nervous about all my AP Tests because I just don't feel ready at all. I feel so so overwhelmed.
And I'm nervous about asking my friend to Prom as well. Like I know he'll say yes, but it's still super nerve-wracking, like what if I mess up all my words and just sound and look like a complete idiot? What if, minutes before I ask, somebody else does so he has to say no to me? What if there's somehow something unattractive about me in that moment and he gets super grossed out? Like I know a lot of this is super unlikely, but it's still every bit as terrifying, ya know?
I just need to really really really relax, not have to go to school for a few weeks, and forget about everything. I feel so flustered, confused, nervous, and overall on edge about everything. Like I'm simultaneously super excited and super terrified to face the day tomorrow. It really shouldn't be like this but I can't help it!!!!!!!
She took my phone away again because I didn't have my makeup on at a certain point for the second round of my senior pictures! It's not like I was dicking around all day on my phone, I was working on homework and doing laundry FOR HER so what the fuck is she trying to punish me for? Being studious? What the fuck?!
Needless to say I can't wait to not have to deal with her shit and irrational punishments in college. Just a few more months!
Needless to say I can't wait to not have to deal with her shit and irrational punishments in college. Just a few more months!
Ugggggggggh I hate/love life and I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings!
I've got good news, but first I have to go through all the blehhhhhhh first.
So Friday I got a text from a number that I didn't recognize. It turned out that it was this guy who has been stalking me and pretty much every other girl in my grade since about sophomore year, searching for a Prom date. Even though I'm looking, I'm not that desperate! I avoided him like the plague, and since have decided to take my fate into my own hands. That's right. I'm asking somebody instead of being asked.
However, Saturday things had turned for the better! I not only got to have brunch and a lovely walk in the park with Andy, but I also got all dolled up for some senior photos, and I love getting dolled up! I took a luxurious bubble bath (I used a bubble bar and a bath bomb from LUSH, the water was incredibly pink and smelled amazing), and then got some wonderful news! The guy who I'm planning on asking is thinking of a way to ask me, but he still wants me to ask first because he's very shy. That really made me feel a lot less nervous/terrified, so I'm thankful for that.
Currently I'm stressing over homework and grades. I'm in grave danger of having to take an exam in AP Bio in addition to the AP Test, and that really freaking scares me. I'm so so screwed. I'm also in relative danger in AP Stats because I'm so so sooooooooooo screwed for that AP Test, I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing in the multiple choice sections.
So Friday I got a text from a number that I didn't recognize. It turned out that it was this guy who has been stalking me and pretty much every other girl in my grade since about sophomore year, searching for a Prom date. Even though I'm looking, I'm not that desperate! I avoided him like the plague, and since have decided to take my fate into my own hands. That's right. I'm asking somebody instead of being asked.
However, Saturday things had turned for the better! I not only got to have brunch and a lovely walk in the park with Andy, but I also got all dolled up for some senior photos, and I love getting dolled up! I took a luxurious bubble bath (I used a bubble bar and a bath bomb from LUSH, the water was incredibly pink and smelled amazing), and then got some wonderful news! The guy who I'm planning on asking is thinking of a way to ask me, but he still wants me to ask first because he's very shy. That really made me feel a lot less nervous/terrified, so I'm thankful for that.
Currently I'm stressing over homework and grades. I'm in grave danger of having to take an exam in AP Bio in addition to the AP Test, and that really freaking scares me. I'm so so screwed. I'm also in relative danger in AP Stats because I'm so so sooooooooooo screwed for that AP Test, I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing in the multiple choice sections.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Bleh.
I was hoping to see Andy today since I have no school, but nope! I'm just going to be working on homework and running errands all day! At least lacrosse will be fun tonight; it's bot going to snow like it did on Wednesday!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
4/23/15, or I still don't have a prom date shoot me in the knee please
I hate everything. I hate that nobody has/will ask me to prom. I hate that nobody will listen to my fears about it. I hate myself for buying a dress that I can't return since I'm probably not going to get a date. I hate my friend for not taking the numerous hints that I want him to ask me. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
:'-)
That awkward and painful moment when you realize your Prom date prospects are pretty much nonexistent....
:'-)
:'-)
"Sick" Day
Today, I'm taking a me day! I'm going to be using this time to catch up on my work, get back on my blogging flow, then do some chores. The rest of my time will be spent relaxing! I really needed this though, and I'm glad I have it now.
Friday, April 17, 2015
WHAT A WEEK!
This week wasn't really all that eventful. I've just been incredibly lazy all around and far too busy with Lacrosse to post. On the bright side, I had a revelation and decided to switch my second major from PR/Advertising to Journalism. It just feels so right! On the mehhhhhhhhhhh side, I still don't have a prom date. That's life, I guess!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
IT IS FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything but my scholarship essay, whoops.... On that note, GOODNIGHT.
YOOOOOOOOO I'M BACK BITCHES
I'm FINALLY home after a pretty hellish return that included being stuck overnight in Philadelphia! I've been powering away at my homework all day and haven't had the time to do anything else. I did work out some this morning for the first time in ages! That's definitely a plus. Tomorrow night I'm going to an admitted students reception in Cleveland for DePaul and I'm pretty excited! I'll be glad to finally have a lot of my work off my chest, at least.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Aruba Day 1
It's been a little over 24 hours since I got into Aruba, and I really like the country! I wish my mom and sister were here, but their flight lands in about 30 minutes. The WiFi at this resort is atrocious, it doesn't work in our rooms, but rather outside of them, and even then it turns off and on really randomly. This is not the environment for getting work done!!!!
Today, my aunt and I went to Palm Beach and visited both of our resort's pools.One is particularly great- it has a swim-up bar!!!! I'm pretty excited for that in particular... What? I love Kahlua and Cream and virgin daiquiris!
Today, my aunt and I went to Palm Beach and visited both of our resort's pools.One is particularly great- it has a swim-up bar!!!! I'm pretty excited for that in particular... What? I love Kahlua and Cream and virgin daiquiris!
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